tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17210282347741955922024-03-05T11:59:56.879-05:00The Crushed Rose"Where The Beauty Of The Broken Is Restored." ~ Psalm 23:3thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-6120192485120744862018-05-15T11:58:00.000-04:002018-06-06T09:43:15.836-04:00I STILL BELIEVE <br />
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So, it’s been months since my last post. I made a major decision during that time, I had back surgery. They could not and did not go into the spinal cord. They cut bone from each vertebrae T9-L1. 6 1/2 hour surgery, 1 week in hospital, 2 1/2 weeks in rehab hospital. The reason for the surgery was to make room for the tumor and take pressure off the nerves. Doctor’s hope was for more mobility, which I do have. Before surgery I was practically dragging my right leg and my left shoe toe always wanted to catch. It was a major ordeal to just walk with the walker to the bathroom. Legs always felt heavy and tired. I now can lift both legs completely off the floor, and my legs <br />
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feel a bit lighter. The rehab has been hard and slowww.<br />
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<a dir="ltr" href="x-apple-data-detectors://2" x-apple-data-detectors-result="2" x-apple-data-detectors-type="calendar-event" x-apple-data-detectors="true">The 18th of June</a> will make it 5 months since the surgery. I chose it to buy me time! They did a biopsy and it is a low grade (very slow growing) cancerous tumor called Astrocytoma. Because it’s inside the spinal cord it will not <span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">metastasis, spreading to other parts of my body. And risk is too high for me to even consider radiation at this time, possible nerve damage. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I’ve said all that to say, surgery bought me time to continue to contend for my miracle healing, and still be able to walk with a walker. Otherwise I might already be in the wheelchair exclusively. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I KNOW my Lord is faithful and true. I KNOW it’s His will for me to be healed and whole! Jesus paid the ultimate price for it with His blood, by the horrific lashes He received. I still use the wheelchair I came home with between all the walking with the walker. I didn’t gain any more feeling, in fact lost more. (As the PTs have worked with me they would ask, “Do you feel that muscle stretching? Or, “Do you feel that muscle working?” I’d say, no!). I also still use the back brace some (at least it’s not all day long now). 😊</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Even if I chose radiation and with best case scenario, it shrunk it to nothing...there’s no restoring what I’ve lost, medically speaking. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My hope is in God! As a daughter, it’s my inheritance. Will you contend with me? Declaring His word over me? Believing with me?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Warring with me against our enemy, as he wants to keep me from receiving? Praying for me to increase in faith? This has been a long road! It’ll be 15 years in August that I found out why my legs were numb and why I had to pull myself up the stairs by the rail.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> But</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“Hope against hope I believe....”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> Rom <a dir="ltr" href="x-apple-data-detectors://3" x-apple-data-detectors-result="3" x-apple-data-detectors-type="calendar-event" x-apple-data-detectors="true">4:18</a></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I want to share with you a beautiful poem that Holy Spirit gave me last October (keeping in mind I do NOT write poetry, that’s my sister Michelle’s gift):</span></div>
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The Dance<br />
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And the enemy thought he had won</div>
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when year after year nothings done</div>
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but the seed of faith her Lord gave</div>
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grew and grew in His name</div>
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till the focus of heart was on Him</div>
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not on symptoms displayed or within </div>
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knowing He is Who He says He is</div>
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and He’ll do what He said He will do</div>
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He cannot deny Himself, He is always, always true</div>
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to His Word and promise He made</div>
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which she spoke, declared and proclaimed</div>
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till the seed of the promise burst through </div>
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And her healing was felt and seen too</div>
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her joy, her bliss knew no bounds</div>
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the long awaited promise broke ground</div>
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she acknowledged, praised and thanked God</div>
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and not with just a slight nod</div>
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she twirled in a whirling dance</div>
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just like she had dreamed in advance </div>
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her heart burst in love back to Him</div>
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a faith and victory win!</div>
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before her Beloved King</div>
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songs of worship she did sing</div>
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she knew He was faithful and true</div>
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now experienced, her love grew and grew</div>
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the purpose in the pain realized</div>
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It’s always been about the Prize</div>
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yes, it’s Him and us in life’s dance</div>
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hearts knit in divine romance”</div>
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I love You Jesus!!!!! ❤️</div>
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<br />thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-87930498210026713862017-06-07T14:29:00.000-04:002017-06-28T16:17:26.411-04:00After all these years<span style="font-size: large;">I'm so sorry to see that it's been almost a year since my last post. I'm so inconsistent. That being said, I have felt impressed to do a new post "summarizing" my journey up to this point.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I am believing my God, Savior, Lord Jesus Christ for a supernatural</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">miracle.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Almost 14 years ago I found out that the reason my legs felt heavy and I couldn't walk up the steps without pulling on the railing was because there was a growth inside my spinal cord at Tll/T12. I was told <span style="font-family: inherit;">by one of the most</span> well known neuro-surgeons at the Cleveland Clinic that the growth was in the worst place possible. That is where all the nerves in our spinal cords come together like a pony tail. so in his opinion it would be very very risky to operate, without significant damage.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">He believed that it had been there all my life but grew each time I was pregnant, from pressure of the baby and hormones.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The most significant change was after giving birth to our twins over 14 years ago. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">As each year has past, my body has declined. I started to need the cane to help balance myself and walk over 8 years ago maybe? I transitioned to a walker over 2-2 1/2 years ago. I used to be able to walk between my counters in our kitchen, but now I have to hold on at all times and scoot sideways. Sometimes my legs give out without any prior notice and if I'm not holding on to something, I go down. I've fallen so many times over the years that I've lost count. I've broken many bones, including my right wrist that needed surgery to put it back together with a plate and screws.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I've lost a lot of feeling in my lower half of my body, inside and out. I have bladder and bowel problems and barely feel when my legs are touched. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I need to explain this because according to doctors, once nerves lose their ability to function/feel, there is no coming back. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">So, I know it's going to take a miracle from my God.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">But that's what God does, He's in the business of doing miracles!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">He's the same yesterday, today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">His stripes that He took before hanging on the cross for my sins, were for my healing. (1Peter 2:23/Is 53:5)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I could go on and on....so many scriptures to back up what I believe!!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I'm getting excited because I know He is faithful and true, it's who He is. (Revelation 19:11)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">He watches over His word to perform it. (Is 55:11)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">He's teaching me that as His daughter, I am to co-labor by, speaking and declaring His word over my body and whatever else doesn't line up with His word, to see change.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It is His delight to give me/us His kingdom. (Luke 12:32)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Jesus taught us to pray "Our Father, Who is in heaven. Holy is Your name. Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth AS it is in heaven." This is suppose to be a daily prayer....for now, present tense. Not some distant future.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Jesus brought the kingdom of heaven with Him, and He left it with us....His people, His church. We are commissioned to spread/release His kingdom. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I also felt impressed that I was to upload a couple of videos that my niece took of me walking. You need to be able to see what I look like now, so that WHEN my healing manifests you will KNOW that my God did indeed do a miracle in me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Even as I type this, hope arises in me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">"I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Ps 27:13</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">These 2 videos were taken right before Christmas of 2016, 6 months ago. It's become even more difficult to get around since then. But even as I type this....I am getting excited, for God is so good and has always been so faithful to me. I can hardly wait to share with you the video of me running..... stay tuned, because it's coming.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span>thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-34733300468582789382016-09-14T12:56:00.001-04:002016-09-14T12:56:14.440-04:00God is STILL God and Still goodI'm appalled to say that when I checked my blog here a week or so ago, I realized I hadn't been on it in a long time, hadn't even posted since December 19, 2013! Wow! I'm so not a blogger. However since I'm just trying to be obedient to what I hear my Lord whisper in my ear....here goes again.<br />
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Let me just reiterate that the reason I started this blog in the first place was at the nudge of my Jesus to do so....to tell my story, so that WHEN I receive healing all those who have and will read this blog will know it was by the hand of Jesus alone that I received the healing.<br />
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So, here I am again, 3 years later, STILL not walking unsupported, running, dancing, but in fact my body has gotten worse. A LOT!!<br />
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I'd like to believe my relationship with Jesus is intimate, passionate and steady. However, I struggle between what my heart longs and cries out for and dealing with my emotions, daily struggle to function and any doubts that try to arise. <br />
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Here I am....claiming that I KNOW that Jesus WILL heal me in the natural, physical realm and I will walk unsupported, run and dance again (which is impossible according to doctors and all medical knowledge), for 13 years now. I seem to look like a fraud and many days feel like one. However, when I set my eyes on Jesus and His word, I see myself running. For His word is truth and I believe Him! I know Him to be faithful and true, it's Who He is! <br />
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It's truly a battle between the natural (symptoms I deal with) and the spiritual (His Word, His promises). There's days that I teeter, fall, lose my balance, bladder control, multiple times. Not to mention the utter frustration of trying to get around with a walker, all the while my feet wanting to drag, and my knees not bend. Oh, did I not mention? I walk with a walker exclusively now. No more cane, because of the unstable issue. There are still times I must use a cane, for example at Walmart. I use the electric cart now, but take the cane to use to go into the restroom. I go in using the cane and clutching onto the walls with my left hand, very slowly, very deliberately. <br />
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Preparing meals and cleaning up after the meals are now an ordeal. No longer is it easy to walk from counter to island and refrigerator to stove. I have to hold on at all times. A lot of times I have much frustration to overcome, especially if I forget an ingredient or utensil and must go back and forth, holding on and shuffling my feet sideways. It's a matter of keeping myself steady while upright. A new "symptom" has started in the last couple of months, my left leg (mostly) just buckles for no apparent reason. So since there is no warning before hand, if I'm not close to something to grab or already holding onto something, then I go down. It can be a bit nerve racking.<br />
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I don't share this for pity!!!! I've lost so much feeling & strength, if I dwell on it, I would go into a fetal position! However.... That's the whole point of sharing this, that I have to live each day having to keep believing INSPITE of the decline of my body!<br />
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My only hope has always been and will forever be - JESUS! I just "know" in my heart, my inner man, that He will restore my body and I will run on this earth. Which according to all the doctors have told me is quite impossible! Once your nerve is no longer working, there's no coming back. Similar to brain cells, as they do not regenerate.<br />
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Speaking of which, my sister Michelle and I have been praying and believing that God is going to re-create brain cells in our brother Stanley's brain. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia and his rapid and ugly decline ( & so much medication) over the last years is heartbreaking, as he "exists" in a nursing home. Which, my sister Michelle visits frequently, to pray over and love on him and the other residents there. Truly they also are "forgotten ones". I'm not really deviating, as this intertwines with my story.<br />
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I often find myself quoting and declaring out loud, Romans 4:19-21 (Amplified version and personalized) "In hope (in God) against hope (in the natural world), I DO BELIEVE, in order that I might receive healing according to that which had been spoken, "by His stripes/wounds I was healed (1 Peter 2:24/ Isaiah 53:5). And without becoming weak in faith, as I'm faced each day with the symptoms in my declining body, YET with respect to the promises of God (in scripture and His voice in my heart), I WILL NOT waver in unbelief, but WILL grow strong in faith [& be empowered by faith AS I give praise &] glory to God (ahead of time in the waiting). Because: I am FULLY SATISFIED and ASSURED that God IS able and might to keep HIS word and TO DO what HE has promised me"<br />
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See, its not about me anyway! It's all on Him! I choose to put my hope and trust in Him. Why not? HE IS FAITHFUL AND TRUE it's Who He is. It's actually one of His names!!! Revelation 19:11<br />
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Healing is not only written as promises in the word of God such as the 2 written above, its Who God is! He's our Healer. He introduced Himself to His people in the O.T. through names. In Exodus 15:26 He introduced Himself to Israel as "for I AM the Lord Who heals you.", in Hebrew "Yehovah- <br />
Rapha.<br />
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I believe the Lord has been drawing me closer to Himself and teaching me His word throughout these last 13 years, especially the last 6 as my NEED for Him as compelled me to seek Him!<br />
I believe this isn't just about me receiving my healing, its about the heart of God for His people (all of us who claim to follow Jesus) to represent Jesus to the world. I know its the will and heart of God to heal everyone. I know that doesn't HAPPEN in this broken and cursed world, but I do believe the Lord wants it to happen. It's what JESUS DID while He walked to earth. The only place in the gospels that its mentioned a lack of healings, is in His hometown, as they basically rejected Him. It says He could do no miracles there except heal a few sick people. In many places even where MULTITUDES were gathered, it says He healed them ALL!!!! Just go back and look at creation, in Genesis. We were made in His image, to live WITH Him, in His glory, forever! It's through sin that sickness and disease came. But it says that Jesus came to undo the works of the devil and heal allllllll who were oppressed by him. <br />
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Ok, I have to stop....for I could just preach and preach! It's INSIDE me....I believe it! However I must say that although it seems so many more people go unhealed than healed, let's not look at what is, but what does God's word say? In Matthew alone it says (or infers) 7 X He cured/healed them ALL! Matt 4:24, 8:16, 12:15, 14:13, 15:30, 19:2, 21:14. There is so many others too.<br />
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Why isn't everyone healed now? I don't have the answers, but I might suggest a couple of possibilities. First, we live in a fallen world where the enemy of our souls, satan/devil, looks for every opportunity to kill, steal and destroy us (John 10:10). Second, Jesus IS the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8) and He gave His followers (yes, even us now) His power and authority (Luke 10:19) to do what HE did. He also said, "As the Father sent me, I send you".... Jesus shared the Kingdom of heaven and AND healed the sick, cast out demons, raised the dead, etc. and in Mark 16:17 He tells His disciples to do the same and it says "These signs WILL accompany those who have believed (in ME).....that would be you and I if we follow and believe in Him today. So my personal belief is WHEN His church, His body come together and are joined in unity, filled with His power, His Spirit (3rd Great Awakening?). Using their individual spiritual gifts, the joints and ligaments joining together to truly BE His body. Then His body, the church will "Look like Jesus" the HEAD of the church. I believe this is when we will see MASSIVE healings, as Jesus again heals them ALL, through His body! <br />
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I really didn't intend to share/preach a teaching in this post, but it's the REASON, I believe I WILL be healed and that it is God's will that I be healed. My Jesus paid a VERY COSTLY price for my healing, (1 Pet 2:24, Is 53:5). He took such a beating, whipping for me...it says in Isaiah 52:14 Complete Jewish Bible, "...because He was so disfigured that He didn't even seem human and simply no longer looked like a man." It's so unthinkable how amazing and loving our God is! So many people have a different idea of Who God is, many quite frankly think He's mean, aloof and dictating, etc. But God, the ONLY God is so beautiful, loving, kind, full of mercy & grace. Gave the best heaven had to offer.... HIMSELF.... God's Son. Yes for the whole world....but also for me! I now own it for myself.... His love! The God of the universe, the ONLY UNcreated One, left heaven and came to earth, put on flesh, became a man to live among us, as one of us. With the sole purpose to suffer and die for us. WHY? To bring us back into relationship with Him! He reconciled us back to the Father. "Whaaaaat?" Yes! Now that's love! What an awesome loving God I serve!<br />
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This is NOT the end of my story! Stay tuned, for I will post when "I go walking, and leaping and praising God" (Acts 3:8), when I receive my healing!<br />
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<br />thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-43716387275564376462013-12-19T11:35:00.001-05:002013-12-19T11:35:27.560-05:00You Can Have As Much Of Jesus As You Want<span style="color: #134f5c;">This Post is taken from a devotion by Gary Wilkerson…</span>
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">“Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst…”</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">John 4:15</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Read John 4:5-30</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">My father, David Wilkerson, taught me a lesson when I was a little boy, and I believe it is the most important lesson I have ever learned, “Gary, “ he said, “ you can have as much of Jesus as you want.”</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Every one of you reading this article can have as much of Jesus as you want! God does not just randomly say, “I’m picking you and not you.”</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied (filled)”</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Matt. 4:6 ESV. This verse is speaking of the man or woman who says, “I want all that Jesus has to offer. I am going to be ravenous in my spiritual hunger to get everything He has to give.”</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">The Bible says that God is looking for men and women whose hearts are completely His that He might show Himself strong. “For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He might strongly support those whose hearts are completely His.” 2 Chron 16:9 NAS</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">God does not want 10 % or 75% of His church to be consecrated, to live a set-apart, sacred life. He wants 100% of His body, His believers, to be sold out wholeheartedly.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">It is not God who is holding back the anointing of His Spirit, it is our lack of response to what He is pouring out. God has rent the heavens and come down and manifest His Holy Spirit in these last days. The man or woman who responds to what God is willing to give will rise up and say, “In this last hour I choose to be filled with God’s Spirit. I choose to live a consecrated life. I will not be dissuaded from this; I will not be held back. Nothing can keep me form the destiny that God has for me of being on fire for Him, totally filled with His Spirit.”</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;"></span>thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-53516585168604178852013-11-05T11:57:00.000-05:002013-11-05T11:57:43.100-05:00Beloved<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Beloved, did you know that the God of Genesis, God of all creation...</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Verdana;">..loves <em>you </em>with an everlasting love. (Jer 31:3)</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Verdana;">...calls <em>you </em>His beloved. (Song of songs 6:13 & 7:10)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Verdana;">...puts <em>your </em>tears in His bottle. (Ps 56:8)</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Verdana;">...has <em>your </em>name inscribed on the palm of His hand. (Is 49:16)</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Verdana;">...rejoices over <em>you </em>with singing. (Zeph 3:17)</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Verdana;"> (The God of all creation sings over <em>you!!!</em>)</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Verdana;">Beloved, <em>you </em>ravish His heart. (song of songs 4:9)</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Verdana;">"But God, so rich is He in His mercy, because of nd i order to <em>satisfy </em>the great and wonderful and intense love with which He loved <em>you</em>... made us alive together in fellowship and in union with Christ..." Eph 2:4,5 Amp</span>thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-11182055272863121462013-04-17T10:59:00.002-04:002013-04-17T10:59:57.639-04:00Tragedy or Triumph?<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It was Saturday night... I fell hard, catching myself with my right hand. There was no pain so I didn't think I had broken it, but I could not use it at all. I called over my oldest son to help me up and walk me over to where I could sit down. It had instantly swollen and it just didn't look right. A trip to the emergency room revealed it was not only broken, it was broken in 3 places. I was then directed to a wonderful specialist (I was told he was the best in the area), who informed me that I would need surgery to align the bone and put in a metal plate and screws. Now, at this point I'm not even thinking ahead, I'm just taking this moment by moment. I can tell you, for such a rotten, bad thing to have happened I had such peace... an inner peace. </span><span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Georgia;">As anyone who knows me can tell you, "drama" runs in my family. I have been known to display some drama every now and then. :) Besides, I am just as prone to reacting to pain in my body and life as the next person.</span> <span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Georgia;">This was truly God showing up with His peace! Surgery was set for the next day.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Georgia;">Now, I've been told by those in the medical field, bone pain is one of the worst pains. My doctor prescribed a strong pain medicine for me to take after the surgery. (he was going to prescribe an even stronger one, but I told him I'm such a light weight, I'd just sleep my days away). So I was "prepared" for a lot of pain.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Georgia;">From the moment I awoke from surgery until this very day I've never felt any pain. At 1st I attributed that to the 'local block' I was given and then to the pain medicine that I was taking on schedule (it was stressed, not to let the pain meds laps). But after only a few days, with no pain at all, I weaned myself off. From day 2 on, I was able to work my fingers and wrist a little, because of not feeling any pain. This is a testimony of God's power and grace. I thank You my Heavenly Father and Jesus</span><span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">, my Lord. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Georgia;">This is just one of many many "set backs" in my body as I continue to walk in faith, trusting and believing in my Lord for a complete and total restorative healing. My peace during this latest trauma is non other than God's power working in me.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Georgia;">Apostle Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:10 (Amplified) "So for the sake of Christ, I am <em>well pleased and take pleasure in </em>infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities, distresses (and even broken arms :); for when I am weak [in human strength], then m I [truly] strong (able, powerful in divine strength)."</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Georgia;">Its an opportunity for Jesus to be manifested in and through us, in some way. It may not have been a miraculous instant healing of my bone (not for lack of prayer!!! :) But, His power was displayed in me by the inner peace and having never felt any pain at all from the time I broke it, after surgery and the whole healing process.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Georgia;">I could have been completely discouraged, crawling into a fetal position if not for my glorious Lord God!! I praise His holy name, Jesus!!!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Georgia;">He graciously answered another immediate need and desperate cry of mine. "Oh Lord, how will I care for my family?" You see, I'm right handed and walk with a cane, using it to support myself with my right hand. From the moment I fell and broke my arm, I was completely thrown "off balance", unable to get around by myself at all. First, He answered my cry by my niece, Kaylin coming to help. (which I'm eternally grateful for her beautiful serving heart, as she reflected Jesus to me and my family in her serving for 6 weeks... always with a willingness and never a complaint. May our Lord, multiply blessings back into her life a 1000 fold!) Second, as a call to my primary care doctor brought about an amazing answer to my dilemma of immobility... a walker with a "platform", an attached arm rest with a handle. I was able to walk by myself 1 day after surgery with this amazing device. ( Oh Lord, bless the person who came up with this idea).</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Georgia;">I want to thank my Jesus for using this horrible accident and situation to display Himself in and through me. To HIM be the glory!!! Love You Jesus! Love you my Heavenly Father!!!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: Georgia;">PS. I want to say again...I believe with all my heart I will be healed, restored to complete wholeness by Jesus Christ. I will run again (after over 11 years now of not being able to), and dance before my Lord and God....with a thankful heart of praise!!! ;-) Just saying.....</span>thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-76878979294654167802012-12-07T15:08:00.000-05:002012-12-07T15:08:13.945-05:00To find God, one must first believe...<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Heb 11:6 "And with out faith it is impossible to please Him, for he (anyone) who comes to God must believe that He is (that He exists and IS all that He says He is), and that He is a rewarder of those who (earnestly and diligently) seek Him (with all their hearts)." Do you suppose the "reward" here is Himself? Jer 29:13 states that if you do seek Him with all your heart you will find Him.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Georgia;">Here in Hebrews it says he who comes to God must believe that He exists. But do you, Beloved, believe that He is all that He claims to be in His word? We can not just believe in a portion of Who God is, what part of God we are "comfortabe" with. Many in the world do that, (its actually idolatry), and sadly there's some in the church that do that too. God can not be changed, God can not change. We can not make God into what we want Him to be, by what we've been taught by others (if it doesn't line up with scripture~ Paul warns of this often in his letters, see Col 2:8 for one), nor by what we have experienced in this life. He's so much bigger than that.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Georgia;">We must take God at His word (what He says about Himself), by faith. That's what Heb 11:6 is saying. Regardless if we've ever seen or experienced that part of Him we struggle to believe in!</span><br />
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<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Georgia;">Want to know Who God is (all that He claims He is)? Read the Bible like you would go on a treasure hunt, digging deep, searching diligently with hope of finding that treasure you seek for. Asking all along the way for God to reveal Himself to you, to give you revelations into the mystery of Who He is. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Georgia;">That is His heart and eternal life, "that you might <em>KNOW HIM</em> and Jesus Christ, Who He has sent." John 17:3</span><br />
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<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Georgia;">To look at Jesus, while He walked on earth among men (read the 4 gospels), you will see God the Father personified. Jesus is the image of the Father, His exact representation. Col 1:15, 19: 2:9; Heb 1:2,3</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Georgia;">That's why Jesus came, that by His shed blood, we might be reconciled (reinstated) back to God and begin to walk with Him in intimate fellowship. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Georgia;">There is no substitute for the wonder of walking closely with God, getting to know Him, little by little, even while here on earth. </span><br />
thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-20594251679504934692012-11-26T11:49:00.001-05:002012-11-26T11:49:09.208-05:00The choice is Ours<span style="color: #134f5c;">Has anyone told you yet today, that Jesus loves <em>you? </em>If not, let me be the 1st! Jeus loves <em>you </em>passionately!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;">Did you know that God did not make hell for man? He made hell for satan and his angels. When Adam and Eve chose to disobey God and sin, they chose to separate themselves from God. God made man to walk eternally with Him, in intimate fellowship. After Adam and Eve sinned, this beautiful relationship between God and man was broken. A holy God can not walk with sinful man.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;">God, Who is outside of time, knew this would happen, (by the way, He knew and YET created man anyway...how great is His love for us). Because He knew, He had a plan in place all along, He would send His only Son, Jesus Christ, to redeem man and repair the broken relationship between Himself and man. There is only one way to God, to heaven...through Jesus Christ, His Son and His shed blood. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;">The choice to choose Jesus Christ's sacrifice on our behalf is given to each and every person. We choose Him and His plan of salvation or hell. God's will is that no man perish (in hell), but that everyone choose Life, through His Son. 1 Tim 2:4</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #134f5c;">Once you choose Him, you are restored into that beautiful eternal relatonship again with our holy God, who now calls you His child. You begin your walk with God now...</span> <span style="color: #134f5c;">"This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ Whom You have sent." John 17:3 </span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">The relationship between you and God begins the moment you accept Jesus' sacrifice on your behalf. You enter into a covenant with the Living God. Now begins the wonder of getting to <em>know </em>the only true God and Jesus Christ His Son. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #134f5c;">Have you chose Him yet? If so, have you begun your walk to <em>know Him?</em></span>thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-70721737584056433882012-09-28T14:06:00.000-04:002012-09-28T14:06:59.612-04:00Beholding God's Beauty<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Did you know that we "children of God" (Born-again, regenerated Christians) don't have to worship God as a doctrinal idea in the "outer courts"? </span><br />
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<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Courier New;">God is everywhere~ Omnipresent, but His literal manifest presence was in the Holy of Holies in the tabernacle, and He desires for us to behold Him, His manifest presence now too.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Courier New;">When Jesus died for our sins and fallen man's sin nature, the veil between the Holy of Holies and the Holy Place was rent. Do you know what that means? It means, not only can you behold God's manifest presence, He beckons you to "enter in"! Jesus came to restore our relationship with the Father, Himself and Holy Spirit. Problem is, do we seek to enter in to God's presence or do we seek our life here and now, filling our hearts with all but Him? Jesus says in Matt 6:33 "seek 1st the kingdom of God and His righteousness..." But instead we choose to seek after all in this life (to better our life and the lives of our children) "keeping" God in heaven", worshipping Him in the "outer courts" on Sundays. How He longs for intimacy with you...He sent His only Son who gave His all for that very reason. That we might be restored to Him in intimacy, beholding His beauty.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Courier New;">A.W. Tozer says it so eloquently....</span><br />
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Courier New;">"God formed us for His pleasure, and so formed us that we, as well as He, can, in divine communion, enjoy the sweet and mysterious mingling of kindred personalities. He meant us to <em>see</em> Him and live with Him and draw our life from His smile. ...</span><br />
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Courier New;">The Omnipresence of the LORD is one thing and is a solemn fact necessary to His perfection. The manifest Presence is another thing altogether, and from that Presence we have fled...</span><br />
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Courier New;">The whole work of God in redemption is to undo the tragic effects of that foul revolt, and to bring us back again into right and eternal relationship with Himself. ...</span><br />
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Courier New;">Ransomed men need no longer pause in fear to enter the Holy of Holies. God wills that we should push on into His presence and live our whole life there. This is to be known to us in conscious experience. It is more than a doctrine to be hold; it is a life to be enjoyed every moment of every day. ... The greatest fact of the tabernacle was that <em>Yehovah </em>was there; a Presence was waiting within the veil. Similarly, the presence of God is the central fact of Christianity. At the heart of the Christian message is God Himself waiting for His redeemed children to push in to conscious awareness of His presence. That type of Christianity which happens now to be the vogue knows this Presence only in theory. It fails to stress the Christian's privilege of present realization. According to its teachings we are in the presence of God positionally, and nothing is said about the need to experience that Presence actually. ... Who is this within the veil who dwells in fiery manifestation</span><span style="color: #45818e; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">s? It is non other than God Himself. ... He (God) waits to show Himself in ravishing fullness to the humble of soul and the pure in heart. The world is perishing for lack of the knowledge of God and <u>the Church is famishing for the want of HIs presence</u>. ... <strong><em>the instant cure of most of our religious ills would be to enter the Presence in spiritual experience, </em></strong>... </span><br />
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Courier New;"><u>God is so vastly wonderful, so utterly and completely delightful that He can, without anything other than Himself, meet and overflow the deepest demands of our total nature</u><em>, </em>(let me ask you, have you ever thought of God as delightful? :)<em> </em> ... to penetrate, to push in sensitive living experience into the holy Presence, is a privilege open to every child of God. With the veil removed by the rending of Jesus' flesh, with nothing on God's side to prevent us from entering, <strong>why do we tarry without?</strong> Why do we consent to abide all our days just outside the Holy of Holies and never enter at all to look upon God? We hear the Bridegroom (God) say, "Let me see your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely." Song of Solomon 2:14 We sense the call is for us, but still we fail to draw near, and the years pass and we grow old and tired in the outer courts of the tabernacle. What hinders us?" Take from "The Pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer</span><br />
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<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Courier New;">What hinders you, Beloved?</span><br />
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<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Courier New;">David, a man after God's own heart, had an intimate relationship with the Living God. He longed to stay in God's house, beholding God's beauty. Ps 27:4</span><br />
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Courier New;">Why do we seek after all the "lesser things" just like the world? When we can <em>have</em> God, Himself? He alone can fill us, satisfy us and complete us. He made the way, and He beckons us to come. What's holding you back from seeking God's literal presence? He does desire you to experience Him, to encounter Him.</span><br />
<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Courier New;">Won't you say yes to God today? Begin to seek Him with all your heart. Be determined to spend quality time with Him, cutting out whatever necessary to make room in your day for that time. Surrender your heart and life to Him and ask Him to reveal Himself to you. If you truly do this, He promises to show up. He will reveal Himself to you, not only in His written word but in actual experience. (Jer 29:13)</span><br />
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<span style="color: #45818e; font-family: Courier New;">Please Beloved, won't you hear Him calling out to you today?</span>thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-90244528600407465372012-09-09T14:44:00.000-04:002012-09-09T14:44:08.904-04:00Are you a "Follower of Jesus"?<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Ephesians 1:1 Amp~ Paul says to the church at Ephesus~ "...to the saints (the consecrated, set-apart ones) at Ephesus who are also faithful and loyal and steadfast in Christ Jesus:"</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia;">Followers of Jesus Christ are to be saints, set-apart ones. Set apart for what/from what?</span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia;">Set apart from the world and its ways...FOR GOD and His kingdom.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia;">Did you know that everything and every choice we make affects our walk with God? There is no standing still or "in place" in our walk. Whatever choices we make in life either draws us closer to Him or lures us away from Him. Next time you watch TV or go to the movies (or anything else you choose to do) ask yourself..."Is this drawing me closer to my King?" If your answer is no, then its certainly luring you away. Satan's been around for a very long time and the Bible assures us he's been perfecting his deceptions, distractions, and traps for the hearts and souls of mankind (that he might even deceive the very elect). He knows how to lure our hearts away from the King. He's very subtle and tricky and very good at his job; and its very rarely obvious.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia;">Do you "miss" Jesus when you are not spending time with Him? If your answer is no, please take a good long look at your heart. Jesus says He's coming back for a pure and holy Bride~ Jesus never minced words and still doesn't. Please go read the Gospels and search to see if Jesus ever said..."blessed are those who have in abundance, or a secure and happy life" or "enjoy your life". Instead you will find "hard" words from our Lord and precious Savior..." the slave is not greater than his master is he, ...if they persecuted Me they WILL also persecute you." (John 15:20); "Whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for MY sake, will find it." (Matt 16:25); "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me." (Matt 16:24) Discipleship (being a saint, a "set apart one" a "lover of Jesus") is costly....also see.... Matt 19:21, Mark 8:34, 10:21, Luke 9:23, 18:22, Matt 6:26, 33...the list could go on and on. :) </span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia;">Why do we ignore the very words of the One we claim to love? We say instead in our hearts, "Surely He didn't realllly mean that, especially for us here in America, for this is the land of opportunity and abundance. He wants to bless us, He wants us happy!" But that's not the words He spoke in the written Word. Jesus <em>never </em>changes (Heb 13:8) and His words are <em>everlasting</em> (Is 40:8) How can we expect God to "show up" (manifest Himself) in our churches in our lives, when we are filled up with the world and ourselves? We must <em>surrender our hearts</em> and <em>everything</em> <em>we hold dear</em>, to <strong>Him. </strong>Jesus even goes as far to say, "He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me." (Matt 10:37) He is not interested in hanging out in one little corner of our hearts (content to remain "hidden" there until we finish with "our" lives here on earth and eventually join Him in heaven) ~ <em>He desires all our heart now.</em> He did indeed die and paid the price for it.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia;">These are the kinds of things He's been speaking to my heart for months now, as I've been <em>beseeching </em>Him to draw me into His heart, I want to KNOW HIM. I do believe, I am not the only one whose been hearing these words from the King of Glory ~ there must be many others! For this <em>is </em>His heart and His kingdom. What we "have" and "don't have" in terms of possessions, is not what's on His heart, Beloved. The precious hearts and souls of people are!!! He says, "the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few..." (Matt 9:37) </span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia;">Are we pursuing Him in intimacy and therefore being filled and used by Him for His kingdom? OR... are we pursuing our best life to enjoy now? </span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia;">Seek Him and to know His heart, He will reveal Himself and His heart to you, IF, you seek Him with all your heart. (Jer 29:13)</span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia;">Beloved, His kingdom is the opposite of this world, don't believe the lies of the enemy. Jesus is calling forth those who will surrender all in order to find Him, He's<em> the </em>treasure. His plan will go forward, He's calling you to join Him. Time is short, He knocks on the door of your heart, will you choose Him and His kingdom or your own? If you chose your own way/life, He'll go find another that will chose Him. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia;">I was once told by a dearly loved fellow believer...that it was "implied" in the scriptures, the opposite of what I had always believed (on a certain subject to be discussed at a later time). I took that as a challenge and searched the scriptures to see if what that person said was the truth. Guess what I found out? It was wrong, what I had always believed was true. I would have never found that out had I not sought Him in His word to see for myself. I challenge you to seek for <em>yourself</em>, if what I'm saying now is His very words and heart or not? Don't take my word for it, Beloved! </span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia;">If you were to look at my life, you might say, hey, I don't see you any different than me. Believe me, I have<em> not </em>arrived. The only difference (if there is one), between us, is that the Lord is giving me eyes to see and ears to hear and a heart to know Him, because I keep asking Him to. Does an alcoholic or anyone else with an addiction, seek help if they don't see and acknowledge they even have a problem and need help?</span> <span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It's the same here. 1st we seek Him and as we spend time with Him, He shows us our hearts and our sins and our need for Him to cleanse us. And through this process we begin to see as He sees and long for what He longs for. This must happen before we live it. My heart longs for my theology to become my reality. If I keep seeking Him, I believe it will happen. I did not plan on posting to my blog today . As you can plainly see, I'm not a "good" blogger. :) My last post (an amazing experience) was in April!! But as I sat here this morning with my bible open, ready to read, I realized the page had blown back from where I left off yesterday. I thought, OK LORD, what did I miss? I began to re-read it and it was in the very 1st verse that He began to pour all this into me!!! I could hardly write it out fast enough! When He speaks to our hearts, we must be ready and willing to listen and obey. When He spoke all these words to me this morning, I knew I had to obey and blog them.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Do you have ears to hear what the Holy Spirit is saying to your heart today?</span>thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-55326066801318529692012-04-19T12:31:00.000-04:002012-04-19T12:33:56.738-04:00My Encounter with JesusFor countless months I’ve been beseeching my Lord during precious quiet times that I might have an encounter with Him; to experience His manifest presence.<br /><br />Maybe 2 months ago, my younger sister Michelle notified me of a healing conference in her area and asked me to pray about whether I should go or not. Through believing for my healing, God has intimately brought me closer and closer to my true heart’s desire, which is to know my Healer. I asked my LORD about going and He replied, yes. Not only once, but several times, He answered me through His word. My husband gave me his blessing and we bought a ticket to fly north.<br /><br />My time of waiting was filled with anticipation as the cry of my heart continued to be, “Jesus, I don’t want to ‘just’ be healed, I want to see Your face, encounter Your presence, to meet with You.”<br /><br />A few weeks prior to leaving, the Lord spoke to my heart to fast for 3 days, and confirms His Word through scripture. I’m determined to hear His voice and walk in obedience.<br />I long to know His Father’s Heart. My sister feels led to join me in the 3 day fast.<br /><br />Attending the 2-day sessions and evening services of the conference were glorious experiences, for the sheer delight of being with fellow worshippers who were unabashed in their expressions of love and adoration for the KING OF KINGS.<br /><br />On the 3rd day of the conference, our fast was complete and we ate in faith. That morning the LORD reminded me of Daniel and his 21-day fast, that the angel came ‘after’ the fast was over. (See Daniel chapter 10). I sensed that my LORD was telling me that I too was going to experience Him upon the completion of my fast…which meant today was the day!<br /><br />We attended a special ministry luncheon and went through a prayer line. They anointed our heads with oil and spoke words of knowledge over us. A woman laid her hands on me and said, “God has heard your heart’s desire and He is right now going to give you your heart’s desire.” I tucked that away in my heart.<br /><br />It was the 2:00 session and the speaker, who was also a worship leader, called all who were sick to come forward and find a place on the floor. I went up, walking with my cane for support, in anticipation. I sat with my legs straight in front of me, back upright (with no back support) on the floor up near the alter. I closed my eyes and began to worship my King. The speaker encouraged us to picture ourselves worshipping uninhibited, all alone in a field of tall grass. While doing just what he had said, I saw myself dancing! I was dancing before the LORD in worship to Him. With my hands lifted up twirling and dancing, Jesus entered the “vision” and danced with me. My LORD danced and twirled me in the field of tall grass. The vision ended.<br /><br />I continued to worship Him, my eyes closed, thanking Him for the beautiful vision He just gave me. (To understand the significance you need to realize I haven’t been able to walk unassisted, let alone dance, for almost 8 years).<br /><br />Then it happened….I distinctly saw Jesus (with my eyes closed), walking through the crowd of people, towards me, touching several worshipper’s heads along the way. The God of all creation bent over and smiled at me, almost playfully. He then lowered Himself down to one knee and proceeded to sit casually at my feet “Indian Style” (legged crossed). I noticed His sandaled feet, and white robe.<br /><br />I glanced down (the whole time I have this ‘vision’ my eyes were closed), and saw His hand on my chest! I immediately grab onto His hand with both of mine. This is how others observed me for hours with my hands clasped over my chest. I cannot begin to describe how real this encounter with Jesus truly was. The tender words He spoke, the way He looked, the atmosphere of His Presence was truly beyond words. I saw different features (hands, feet, forearms etc…) rather than a complete picture and I sensed it was a matter of trust.<br /><br />During my time with Jesus, He shared some very specific and personal things with me. He did not speak in audible words, His lips never moved, but rather we communicated via the language of Heaven…heart to heart. He also allowed me to see things in the spirit realm.<br /><br />At some point I looked down and noticed His forearm instead of His hands, indicating He had changed positions, I now noticed that He was holding my hands. My sister and others observed these slight changes, for they were the only discernable movement during the 9 hours that I sat there with Jesus! My sister said that I had such an expression of “Bliss” on my face, she just knew that THE KING OF GLORY was there~ she got a purple flag and began to wave it in honor of His literal Presence in our midst.<br /><br />Several times I thanked Abba (Daddy Father God~) for sending His Son to spend time with me, and when I did I saw Jesus smile. It brought Him such pleasure when I thanked the Father. I also saw Jesus smile several times during worship; I sensed His pleasure in our worship of Him.<br /><br />About 2/3rds of the way through the 9 hours, the evening speaker asked the children if Jesus had given any of them a word of knowledge? A young boy about 6 or 7 years old went to the microphone and said Jesus told him to pray for a woman with a cane. The young boy and several others gathered around me and laid hands upon me. Then a young woman came and sat behind me and she began to pray not only with power and authority, but with very specific detail concerning my condition including the tumor, my spinal cord, my nerves etc… that I knew she was hearing directly from Him! (I later discovered that earlier that day while in coffee shop, I man came up to this college student and told her she would later be praying over a woman with a cane! That’s why she responded when the young boy announced it over the microphone!) As she prayed, I could feel warmth radiating from where her hands were on my back. The prayer from her and others around me continued for over an hour then I knew it was time. Excitedly I yelled out and they lifted me up. With a young woman on either side of me, we began to walk. With every step my stride lengthened as my legs felt lighter and stronger! It was happening!! I could feel it happening!! My sister was ahead of us videoing, while my niece was behind me walking and watching. We walked once around the sanctuary when a woman abruptly stopped us and asked us to pray over a young paralytic. He had seen me walking and all of us praising God and assumed my miracle was complete. Even though we were in the throes of the long awaited miracle of my healing, we never hesitated to go pray over him. We prayed for quite some time and witnessed the move of the Spirit upon His life as he gave his life to Christ. All the while I couldn’t help but notice the longer I stood still, the miraculous changes in my condition were regressing. It was as if strength was receding while my legs got heavier and heavier.<br /><br />When we finished praying, I asked the girls to walk with me again, but it wasn’t the same. Instead of the lightness and strength, I felt heaviness. Instead of my feet automatically lifting higher and higher, they began to drag and shuffle across the floor. It was after 1 am and the church was closing up for the evening. Sadness and disappointment overwhelmed me….I began to blame myself for not “possessing” my miracle….to see it finished. I was supposed to run. I was distracted. I messed up God’s plan. (Notice how the enemy tried to turn my focus from the glorious gaze of Jesus and His work onto myself and my supposed failure). I eventually went to bed, but not before I wrote out my entire encounter with Jesus in detail until 4:20 am. <br /><br />I wanted to bask in the reality of my encounter with Jesus but I could not push away the tortured thoughts that I somehow messed up God’s plan to manifest my healing. Thoughts of TRUTH did penetrate my heart of despair knowing our Omnipresent God lives outside of time. He knew all that happened was going to happen. I could NOT mess up any plan of God. Yes, maybe it was a distraction and I didn’t receive my healing in completion. But…what satan meant for harm…God will turn for HIS GOOD. My thoughts swung back and forth from faith to fear and eventually I fell into a fitful sleep. An hour later, I bolted awake to an all-out assault of torturous thoughts. Though I should have resisted them, I found myself wrestling with them back and forth from mind to heart. <br /><br />Exhausted, I finally fell back to sleep, only to awake the next morning to an overwhelming presence of grief. After my mom and niece left to go back home, my sister, sensing in her spirit what was going on inside of me, prayed and spoke truth over me. She reminded me that the God of all creation left the right hand of the Father for 9 hours to sit with me. She commanded the discouragement, grief, and disappointment to leave in Jesus name. She also reminded me how He answered the very cry of my heart! I had repeatedly asked to have an intimate encounter, to behold His face. She retold the power and reality of this supernatural experience and how the enemy wanted to steal the power and joy of it all. All sadness and discouragement LEFT. I kid you not, it was completely gone. My heart lifted, and rejoiced in God as I began to praise Him.<br /><br />My LORD and savior Yeshua, came and visited me and sat with me for almost 9 hours. Thank you Abba Yehovah, thank you Yeshua, my King and my bridegroom God.<br /><br />I have never been more sure than now, that my body will respond to the work that the LORD Himself had done (not only on the cross) but while with me. I WILL RUN ON THIS SIDE OF HEAVEN. I choose this day and every day to trust in Jesus.<br /><br />Oh how HE loves me ~ but realize precious child of God… just how much HE loves you too. That is one of the messages of this entire encounter… that God the Son would leave heaven to sit with a “nobody.” I’m no one famous, just a housewife and mother of 4, longing for MORE OF HIM. I long to know my Jesus, and the wonders of His person. He responds to every longing heart! Simply ask Him. Jer 29:13 “And you will seek ME and find ME, when you search for ME with all your heart.”thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-60318499626351216752012-04-07T19:51:00.002-04:002012-04-07T20:03:33.565-04:00The most amazing experience of my lifeI've been asking in my heart of hearts to behold Jesus, yet in my wildest dreams I did not expect to have the kind of intimate encounter that I had this past weekend. Jesus told me healing would come with the "laying on of hands" but how could I possibly anticipate they would actually be HIS HANDS?? You won't want to miss the "rest of the story"...so come back soon to hear the detailed, life-changing encounter!!thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-40220623167048149422011-11-02T15:35:00.005-04:002011-11-03T08:55:17.704-04:00Unbroken Relationship<div><div><div><font color="#666600">As I've been journeying to know God better, deeper, I've begun reading the Bible with my "love" glasses on. The bible is God's love story. Do you want to know who God is? Read about Him in the pages of the Bible. </font></div><div><font color="#999900"></font> </div><div><font color="#666600">God's plan was to create man and walk with him in perfect unbroken relationship for eternity.</font></div><div><font color="#666600">Guess what? That plan has not changed.</font></div><div><font color="#666600"></font> </div><div><font color="#666600">God never desired our bodies to decay, that was a result of free will. Man, (Adam and Eve) chose to exercise their free will and disobey God, which resulted in separation and death. </font></div><div><font color="#666600"></font> </div><div><font color="#666600">God continued to pursue His creation, but they were distracted and preoccupied with themselves and their fleshly desires. (Read the account of Noah) Then a man (Abraham), chose to know God intimately and so much so, God called him "friend" and through Abraham made a nation (Israel) to set apart for Himself. Desiring to walk with man in unbroken relationship and to be their God, their provider and their healer.</font></div><div><font color="#666600"></font> </div><div><font color="#666600">Once again man, this time His very own chosen people, rejected Him, chosing instead to pursue other 'gods'.</font></div><div><font color="#666600"></font> </div><div><font color="#666600">God still longed for intimacy with man, this had never changed, because God never changes. The Word says that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. So God's plan never did change either...He walked with man in the garden and He still longs to walk with man now.</font></div><div><font color="#666600"></font> </div><div><font color="#666600">God then did the unthinkable, He came down, took on flesh and walked <em>as</em> man. God, the One and Only Living God, creator of all, walking <em>as</em> man? Yes! Jesus Christ is God incarnate, Immanuel (God with us). The Father's heart toward man was expressed through His Son. (John 3:16) Jesus Himself said He only did and said what He seen the Father do and what the Father told Him. (John 14:10) Jesus says in John 10:30, "I and The Father are one". Hebrews 1:3, Col. 1:15 (esp Amp) says that Jesus is the expess image of the Father, His exact representation. Jesus also said that the Father was <em>in</em> Him and He <em>in</em> the Father.(John 14:10,11)</font></div><div><font color="#666600">Jesus told Phillip that seeing Him was seeing the Father. (John 14:9)</font></div><div><font color="#666600"></font> </div><div><font color="#666600">Jesus came and took on flesh for one reason only! To bring people back into unbroken fellowship with Himself and the Father (remember they are one). In order to that, He had to walk a sinless life, which He did. He had to shed His blood for the atonement of our sins, (paying the full penalty for our sins) which He did. We now have full access to unbroken fellowship with the Living God. Jesus made that possible. </font></div><div><font color="#666600"></font> </div><div><font color="#666600">How amazing is that? God's done all the work for us, we only have to believe and accept His sacrifice, His work on our behalf. </font></div><div><font color="#666600"></font> </div><div><font color="#666600">Oh how I love you ~ Yeshua!!</font></div><div><font color="#666600">Oh how I love you~ Yehovah!!</font></div><div><font color="#666600"></font> </div><div><font color="#666600">Read His word, get to know The God who passionately pursues your heart and made a way for you to have an intimate unbroken relationship with Him. Believe in Him, He's real! Don't take my word for it, read about Him and then ask Him yourself. He will reveal Himself to you too. But He doesn't just want you to believe on Him and then go about your life...the whole point was unbroken relationship.....remember?</font></div><div><font color="#666600"></font> </div><div><font color="#666600">If you've never accepted His sacrifice on your behalf, won't you now? God's word says in Rom 10:9,10..."that if you confess with your mouth, Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead you shall be saved. For with the heart man believes (trusting in and relying on Christ and what He's done for you), resulting in righteousness (right standing with God), and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation."</font></div><div><font color="#666600"></font> </div><div><font color="#666600">Being a christian is all about being WITH GOD!! Literally walking with God in unbroken relationship. As we pursue Him in this relationship and come to know who He is, our faith in Him grows and we become more like Him (taking on His character, by being <em>with </em>Him). It's about returning to Eden, spiritually speaking.</font></div><div><font color="#666600"></font> </div><div><font color="#666600">God's word says in 1 Cor 6:17 that our spirits are united as one with God's own spirit when we become followers of Christ (born-again)! Sound radical? It is! God made that possible through Jesus Christ. </font></div><div><font color="#666600"></font> </div><div><font color="#666600">Even if you know Jesus as savior and are born-again, do you know Him intimately? Can you describe Him? Do you long for His company? Get to know the Living God~ talk with Him frequently and wait on Him to talk back (this is hard, because we have soooo many distractions, but its worth it!) Read about Him in His word.</font></div><div> </div><div><font color="#666600">He's actively calling out to you, won't you respond to His call?</font></div><div><font color="#666600"></font> </div><div><font color="#666600"></font> </div></div></div>thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-59180497150736932902011-10-10T11:52:00.002-04:002011-10-10T11:57:07.118-04:00P.S.<div><font color="#999900">Yes, I do realize that summer is over and that I haven't received my healing yet. Stay posted, because I believe with all my heart that I will. I will not be moved nor shaken, for I trust in God and God alone. He is faithful, it is who He is. I do long for my body to be healed and to be whole again, but even more so do I long to know the Healer. It is He who satisfies my soul. Please read the new post that I just logged moments ago. </font></div>thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-37694931326706804182011-10-10T10:34:00.002-04:002011-10-10T11:31:49.162-04:00Experiencing God<div><font color="#333300">Do you long for peace, in the midst of turmoil? Love, when you feel unloved? Hope, when things seem hopeless? There is only one way and that is to be with the One who IS peace, who IS hope....who IS love! </font></div><div><font color="#333300"></font> </div><div><font color="#333300">We fill our lives with so much. Things that we think are so important, but we give God but a few moments and then we wonder why we don't have His peace and joy and love in our lives. He is the source of all Good. In order to have good things we must "be" with Him. If you long to "shine forth light"....you must be with "The Light"....want to be loving and feel loved? You must spend TIME with Love Himself. He then pours HIMSELF into us....filling us so that we can pour out.</font></div><div><font color="#333300"></font> </div><div><font color="#333300">I was reading in Psalms this morning....no wonder its said of David, that he was man after God's own heart. David spent TIME with God....in intimacy. "O God, You are my God; earnestly will I seek You; my inner self thirsts for You, my flesh longs and is faint for You, in a dry and weary land, where no water is." Ps 63:1 amp "My whole being follows hard after You and clings closely to You;" Ps 64:8 amp </font></div><div><font color="#333300"></font> </div><div><font color="#333300">Have you ever experienced God? I don't mean do you believe in God....I mean experience Him as a person? Ever see Him clearly? Ever feel His presence? Ever hear His voice? If not, you are sorely missing out on Life itself...Himself. God is real, not a dream, vision, prayer, thought, He's real. </font></div><div><font color="#333300"></font> </div><div><font color="#333300">Ever just go to Psalms and read it looking for mention of God and His character or what is written about Him? I've been doing that just recently. Just a verse...one verse alone , when you dwell on it , meditate on it and really try to understand it can cause you to have a headache....."Before the moutains were brought forth, or ever You had formed and given birth to the earth and the world, even from ever lasting to everlasting You are God." Ps 90:2 God has no beginning and no end. Ok, stop there and ponder, think on that, dwell there!! We can't even understand that thought. God is sooooo much bigger than what we think or believe. </font></div><div><font color="#333300"></font> </div><div><font color="#333300">God is inifinately Good, Loving, faithful, etc, etc....and yet, we spend so little time with Him and fill our lives with everything that is LESS. Reading Psalms you can see that David had an inkling of who God is, as he spent time with Him. He wanted to dwell in God's courts, he tells God he longs for Him. The more time we spend with God, to KNOW HIM, the more we will want Him. God doesn't want a "glance" from us....He wants our entire hearts. Wow! What we don't understand is that He is LIFE, He is LOVE, and we are full to overflowing, lacking in NOTHING if we run after Him with all our hearts. Its a lie straight from the enemy (and one of his greatest deceptions) when we think we are giving up something of value in order to pursue God. There is nothing more wonderful than God, and yet, we live our lives as if everything else is more worth our time, our pursuit, our hearts than Him.</font></div><div><font color="#333300"></font> </div><div><font color="#333300">Oh, believe me, I'm only scratching the surface....I'm soooo far from "arriving". But...I smile as I say this....I'm beginning to see....to see HIM....and I'm beginning to understand that He's worth it....worth all!! I'm beginning to long for His presence. It's only a beginning, but I know this beginning of my hearts pursuit of Him is pleasing to Him...and He promises...."And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." Jer 29:13 </font></div><div><font color="#333300"></font> </div><div><font color="#333300">I want to experience God. Not something "of God"....but God Himself. I won't stop until I do. I want to say along with David, "Whom have I in heaven but You? And I have no delight or desire on earth beside You." Ps 73:24 amp Ever feel DELIGHTED IN GOD? Be honest!!</font></div><div><font color="#333300"></font> </div><div><font color="#333300">"As the hart (deer) pants and longs for the water brooks, so I pant and long for You, O God. My inner self thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and behold the face of God?" Ps 42:1,2 amp </font></div><div><font color="#333300"></font> </div><div><font color="#333300">God is the ultimate prize. He is the treasure worth selling all for. Get to know Him, personally, for yourself. See if He alone will satisfy your soul. His word promises that. He can't do that when your soul is full already. Go, get your bible out and go before THE KING....the Creator of all things and lay all your burdens down and go into His presence. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you. He longs for intimacy with you, He will reveal Himself to you. He's worth it! </font></div>thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-44143193938814346672011-08-29T14:14:00.003-04:002011-08-29T14:42:37.106-04:00Walking with God<span style="color:#339999;">I was asked by my sister to do an "aha" moment in my life and the following is what I sent her:</span>
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<br /><span style="color:#339999;">To Walk with HIM</span>
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<br /><span style="color:#339999;">I've been a christian for 37 years, having sat at the kitchen table with my Dad as a young girl, I asked Jesus into my heart. I've tried to live a good christian life; reading His word, praying, going to church, worshipping Him, bearing fruit, etc.</span>
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<br /><span style="color:#339999;">About a year and a half ago, my "<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">AHa</span>" moment happened. I could almost feel the Father's loving hands holding my face, as He began to open the eyes of my heart. I had been doing all the "right things", trying to live for God, but He revealed to me that my heart was far from Him. I could then see that I was not passionately in love with my God, why not? He said to me, "Because you don't <em>know</em> <em>Me</em>." I didn't <em>know Him</em>? How was that possible? I've been reading my Bible for 351/2 years, I've heard His voice speak to my heart many times over, I've even received a miracle from Him. (to share at a later time) How have I missed Him? The fact that I lacked a passion for Him was something I could no longer ignore.</span>
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<br /><span style="color:#339999;">Thus my current journey began...my heart's cry to My God, "I want to <em>know You, </em>that I might love You passionately, as You love me, please reveal Yourself to me." I purposed in my heart to journey into God's heart, to <em>know Him,</em> as the Apostle Paul wrote so many years ago, "[For my determined purpose is] that I may <em>know Him - </em>that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">reconizing</span> and understanding [the wonders of His person] more strongly and more clearly." Heb 3:10 amp</span>
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<br /><span style="color:#339999;">As I started this new walk, I began reading the Word with new intent and passion, to see and <em>know </em>my God. My hunger for His word grew as He began to reveal Himself to me in those pages. Oh how I'm beginning to fall in love with Him. Oh how He loves me. He's been patiently waiting for this very "AHA" moment, my entire life, "to walk <em>with Him,</em> and not merely for Him."</span>
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<br /><span style="color:#339999;">I get it now, I do, the very reason He created me was to be in a passionate love relationship with Him, the Living God. I cannot tell you how radically this revelation has changed my life. It's become my "1 thing", to walk with Him, to love Him, to <em>know Him."</em></span>
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<br /><span style="color:#339999;">I wrote this on 03/11/11 and this is still my determined purpose....to walk with Him and to know Him. I guess that's why I have "claimed" to have heard His voice about my healing....for each morning I long to open my bible and hear His sweet voice....and you can too.</span>
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<br /><span style="color:#339999;">I've been reading a book that says this: "What does it take to begin a relationship with God? Is it to devote yourself to unselfish religious deeds? Is it to attempt to become a better person, so that God will accept you? Can a person actually embark on a journey that leads to knowing God? The overwhelming claim of the Bible is yes! Not only can we know the Lord and the Creator of everything that exists, we are invited - even urged- to know Him intimately, personally, and deeply." ("Romancing The King" by Brian Lake)</span>
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<br /><span style="color:#339999;">You may sense it or maybe you don't have any idea, but the Lord and Creator of everything is calling out <em>your name.</em> He longs for a deep, intimate, passionate relationship with <em>you.</em></span>
<br />thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-27168238686070081022011-07-30T10:49:00.002-04:002011-07-30T11:09:55.561-04:00Missing PartsGood Morning,<br />I've been putting off this blog, for its hard to expose oneself. My heart races when I think of the fact that many people, especially loved ones, are reading this blog and watching to see IF God moves on my behalf this summer. Yeah, what a claim....I'm either really out there and plain crazy, or God really does speak to our hearts and when we have time and quiet ourselves enough, we hear Him. I'm also very human and very fleshly, and very fallible. I could have <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">misinterpreted</span> what He was speaking to me and we all know that sometimes we miss it all together. I'm still convinced that I'm hearing from the very one and only living God and that in His timing, I will stand whole in the name of Jesus Christ.<br /><br />There is a few specific details that I've left out that I have felt that I need to share. In the last few years there has been drastic changes in my body, lower body to be exact. I have lost <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">alot</span> of my feeling. In my legs, it feels as though when touched, that I have on heavy, heavy leg warmers or a thick sports wrap, I can hardly feel when touched. I have fallen quite a bit, I have to walk ever so gingerly...watching every step I take. I try to always go barefoot, as any sandal or shoe, no matter how light or well fit, catches and I stumble.<br />I also barely feel when I need to go to the bathroom, and I have frequent accidents. At first this was <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">soooo</span> embarrassing, but after many of them, even in public, I just shrug my shoulders and finish my task, go home and change.<br />I HATE all these changes, but I've learned to turn my anger towards the enemy, and not my body because I refuse to let him discourage me. My hope is in the Lord, who made the heavens and the earth, and loves me so much He calls me His beloved. (by the way, if you have never been told this....He calls YOU His beloved too!!!!!)<br /><br />I've also left out, by accident, that the Doctors have all agreed on one thing....I will eventually need surgery, its just a matter of when I decide to have it and take my chances. They also agree that medically speaking, once a nerve is damaged, it NEVER recovers or works again. I realize that this is a FACT, but changing facts is nothing for my God.<br /><br />Please continue to check this blog for updates and EVENTUALLY see the Glory of our God.<br />"For I am fully satisfied and assured that God is able and mighty to keep His word and to do what He has promised me" Rom 4:21<br /><br />Oh my sweet Jesus, how I love You and desire to love You more.thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-59289449224722973932011-06-30T18:25:00.015-04:002011-07-02T10:53:33.654-04:00"Who do you say that I AM?"I AM Jesus Christ, the anointed Messiah. a<br />I AM the only begotten Son of God. b<br />I AM the express image of the Father. c<br /><br />Though Creator God, I willingly left my throne in Heaven to be born the Son of Man…For you. Though a King, I came to serve. Though sinless, I became sin. I gave My life as a ransom…for you. Won’t you give Me your heart? d<br /><br />I AM the only way to the Father. e<br />I AM Redeemer. f<br />I AM Saviour. g<br /><br />I was rejected by My own, mocked, spat upon, beaten beyond recognition, only to hang and die upon a scorned cross of shame… for you. 3 days later I rose triumphantly from the grave, conquering sin & death, once for all! Won’t you give Me your heart? h<br /><br />I AM the creator of all things. i<br />I AM your Good Shepherd. j<br />I AM Love. k<br /><br />I knew you and delighted in you before you ever existed. I delicately wove you in your mother’s womb. Indeed, I have loved you with an everlasting love. Won’t you turn from your sin, from your pain, from the snare of this life, and turn toward Me? I AM Faithful & True! Won’t you give Me your heart? l<br /><br />I and My Father are One. We long for your heart, to fellowship with you now and forever. Not just a tiny part of your heart, but all of your heart, not in your sin, not on your own terms, not just as a means to Heaven, but to live inside your heart as One. My love is a consuming fire. My blood is a cleansing stream, washing away the pain and stains of your past. I desire to make you a completely brand new creation, born anew of My Spirit. If you believe who I AM and what I’ve done, simply come unto ME. Confess and turn from your sin, and ask Me to live in and through you now and forever. It’s not by your works, but by My finished work of Grace. Won’t you RECEIVE ME? m<br /><br /><br />a. Matt 1:16, John 1:41, Acts 10:38; b. Matt 16:15,16, 1John 4:9, John 1:14; c. Heb 1:3, Col 1:15, 2:9; d. Luke1:31-35, John 1:1-3,10,14, John 16:28, John 3:13, Rev 19:16, 17:14, Luke 22:27, Matt 20:28, 2Cor 5:21,1 Tim 2:5,6; e. John 14:6; f. Rom 3:23,24, Col 1:14; g. 1 John 4:14, Acts 4:12; h. John 1:11, Matt 26:67, 27:30, 31,35, 28:6, Heb 12:2, 1 Cor 15:3,4, Heb 2:14, Rom 6:9,10, 2 Tim 1:10; i. John 1:3, Col 1:16; j. John 10:11,14; k. 1 John 4:8; l. Ps 139:16, Ps 139:13, Jer 31:3, Rev 19:11; m. John 10:30, 1John1:3, 2 Chron 16:9, Matt 22:37, John 17:3, John 14:23, Song of Sol 8:6,7, 1John 1:7, Rev 1:5, John 3:3,5, 2 Cor 5:17, Rom<br />10:9,10, 1John 1:9, Eph 2:8,9, Rom 3:23, Rom 6:23, John 1:12, John 3:16<br />m franks<br /><br />This post is actually a gospel track that the Lord laid on my heart to design and have printed, its currently at the printers. :) My dearest little sister, a writer, helped me edit and refine. Thanks hunnney.thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-52821891277459371202011-04-25T15:29:00.019-04:002011-06-16T13:22:08.851-04:00"As my Story continues"It's been a couple of weeks since my last post, so I was determined to get on here and resume my story...<br /><br />Last I wrote was that the flood gates opened and I wept before God....right there in my van. "Why God, why me?" <br /><br />In the following days, I felt totally surreal....feeling so afraid that what I've found out was going take my life or at the very least take my ability to walk. I followed up my appointment by calling the highly recommended neurosurgeon, but couldn't get in to see him until Sept 4 2003.<br /><br />In the meantime I started running to my God in prayer and reading His Word (the Bible). I had been a Christian for many many years, and had run to Him on other occasions in desperation. I love God, but you know when life goes along well, ya seem to just ride the calm sweet waves of life and put God on the "back burner". Then something "big" happens and then we cry out, well....I was crying out. "My Jesus, I need You."<br /><br />Aug 6 I read (not sure where, but knew these words were for me)...."and I shall engineer your circumstances to conform to My plan and My will." God was speaking to me.<br /><br />Next day, Aug 7th will remain forever seared in my mind and heart. I was on our front porch swinging one of our twins. Still feeling so scared and talking to God. Clear as a bell in my mind I heard my Lord speak these words: "will you trust ME?" I said (and maybe even outloud), "yes Lord, who else do I have to trust but You?" I believe he then gently reminded me of a story in the Bible....Lazarus. "But for the glory of God,that the Son of God may be glorified by it." John 11:4 then in John 11:40 "Jesus said to her, "Did I not say to you, if you believe, you will see the glory of God?" I then wondered what my Lord meant, thinking this "tumor" is going to get worse and so is my body, so that God will be glorified. I then realized that when Jesus asked me if I trust Him?, He was asking me for my blind faith in Him, to not only see me through this, but to believe Him for a healing, a total healing.<br /><br />Aug 15, God had plans to heal my soul first. Two of my three dearest friends were living right there in the same town, but I had felt let down by them and was hurting inside. We agreed to go to one of their homes for a weekend "retreat" to share and wrestle with whatever needed to be wrested with, inorder for forgiveness and healing to flow. It was a "hard" start, alot of pain came out of me, and then they shared and alot of pain came out of them. The hard start turned into a glorious end. We forgave and were linked in our souls and hearts again. But I sensed there was more that the Lord needed to work on in me. I sign up to go to our church's women's retreat on Sept 6th.<br /><br /><br /><br />Sept 4th comes and I go to see the highly recommended neuro-surgeon and he says that he would need to go in and see what this tumor was and try and take it out. He then said what I had been fearing...."It's a huge risk, highly likely to lose the use of my lower body." He then informed us that since he was not in our insurance's network, he couldn't perform the surgery. I was totally freaking out inside, and begged my husband, who was right there beside me, "please, let this 'highly recommended' doctor do my surgery."??? The doctor, hearing me ask my husband that, said that it would be a HUGE amount of $$ that we would have to pay and that would add to our stress of everything, and he recommended that we allow him to look into another neurosurgeon for us. He said he had done some of his residency at the Cleveland Clinic and one of the doctors that he worked under was world-renown. He told us that he would call him personally and get back to us. <br /><br />We left, I in a stupor. It was all happening....just as I had fearfully anticipated. Oh Jesus, help me!!<br /><br />I got a phone call the next day, it was the neuro-surgeon that I had seen just the day before. He told me that he talked with this other doctor and he had agreed to take my case, but only because he had asked him personally. He shared my case with him and even though he was overbooked, he agreed to see me. I called and set the appointment, it wasn't to be until September 29, 2003.<br /><br />Sept 6 came and I went to the women's retreat, alot of past hurts and wrongs that I had kept hidden in my heart came out and I layed them down at my Lord's feet. Even the praise and worship songs washed over me like fresh water to a parched soul. One evening during worship, I heard the Lord so loud and clear in my heart, "Maria, keep knocking on the door of heaven, I WILL heal you." Everything about that weekend was healing to my soul. One morning however, one of the ladies that roomed with me said she had had a vision/dream about me and was hesitant to tell me, I urged her to and so she did. She said she had seen me crying out to those ahead of me to slow down because I could hardly get along, my legs felt so heavy like lead. I tucked that away, refusing to let any fear come in.<br /><br />My Mom called me during the retreat to tell me that she found out that Kenneth Hagin (who had a special gift of healing for tumors and growths) was to be in Las Vegas soon and my other dearest friend and her husband lived there. My Mom did all the research and phone calls, I only walked through the open doors. <br /><br />We then were off to Las Vegas, My dear friend and I went to the first evening service, I was sooooo excited, this may be when God heals me. We pull into the parking lot of the church and there was NOT ONE CAR, that was not a good sign. She got out of the car and walked up to the doors and read a note that was posted there. I later found out she was sick inside, dreading telling me the news. Alllll the meetings were cancelled. We didn't even know why at the time. Of course, I wanted to cry out to God, ok, so I did. Lord, what in the world? Why am I here? Everyone that I called and told, including my Mom, said maybe I was here to just "be" with my husband and friends. Don't fret Maria.<br />We later found out that the meetings were cancelled because Kenneth Hagin had fell sick and later on passed and went to be with Jesus. Ok Lord, it was not the time....not Your time. I will continue to trust You and believe in You.<br /><br />Sept 29, Off to see the neuro-surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic. Our friends from Las Vegas were here for a visit and so they went with us. The trip up, although could have been nerve racking....wasn't, they continually made me laugh, my dear friend has a way of doing that ALOT. :) We sat in the waiting room, for quite some time, but instead of feeling sick, we were engaged in much laughter. God is sooo good. After seeing the doctor and talking with him at length about all my symptoms and the timeline and doing some tests, he surmised that the "growths" were there all my life but grew each time I was pregnant, the pressure of the baby on my spinal cord and the hormones. His diagnosis was a "gift", he wanted to wait and watch. Said he wanted to see me 2x a year, after new MRI's each time to see if there was any growth or change. I left there with such a lighter step and heart.<br /><br />My fears were being replaced with trust and faith in Jesus. I continued to spend time with Him, in prayer and His word. Waiting on Him to speak to my heart,many a times.<br /><br />One sad day came, when my little sister (who is also a dear dear friend), stopped by our house to tell me that she was moving to Wisconsin. She didn't want to move and even tried using my situation with my body as a reason that she could not possibly move. But God had spoken to her heart and she knew that HE wanted her to move there with her family. I was so disheartened.<br /><br />During this time, my husband had been asking me about moving to Texas. Our dear friends that lived in Los Vegas moved to N. Texas and had been asking us to move there. I kept saying NO NO NO. I felt "safe" in Ohio, I had a church family that was going along side me in this and our other dear friends still lived there and my parents, not to mention the wonderful neuro-surgeon in Cleveland, and let's not forget, I was still in survival mode with toddler twin boys and two other young boys. No, I was NOT moving to Texas.<br /><br />Then one day, came that sweet still soft voice, "Do Not allow your fears to keep Me from doing what I want to do in your lives. Trust Me, Maria, trust Me wholly." I knew what my Lord was saying. We were suppose to move to Texas. But I wasn't ready to walk in obedience yet. I stubbornly refused to say yes to Texas, until one day, maybe a week or two later, I was standing doing the dinner dishes and I once again heard my Lord's voice. He told me several reasons that He desired us to move to Texas, but the one that caught my heart, was that one of our dear friends there did NOT know our Jesus. Somehow, and I had NO IDEA how, the Lord wanted to use us to plant seeds into our friends heart and life. I could no longer hesitate, I talked with my husband and told him yes, I would move to Texas. We put our house up for sale and God moved on our behalf, our house sold during a very dry selling time, in 3 months, being the only house in the area to have sold. We packed up our stuff and moved to Texas....with the most amazing thing untold... My husband did not have a job lined up. We were living in faith, God said go, and we were going.<br /><br />The whole struggle with job hunting and finding and so forth is really another story, but I'll cut to the chase. GOD WAS AND IS FAITHFUL!!! My husband (ok, his name is Steve :)got a job, but it was barely enough to close on our house, but it was ENOUGH. Eventually Steve got the job he desired and still works there, using his wonderful gifts and capabilities. In the meantime, I'm going about my life, raising my 4 young boys, unpacking and making a new home in Texas. <br /><br />Let's now fast forward to the fall of 2007. I had been diligently painting, getting ready for an art show that was taking place in some local gardens. I had never painted so many pictures in such a short amount of time. My lower back was starting to bother me alot, due to standing for long periods of time while painting. I would then have my twins (then only 4 1/2) take turns sitting on my lower back and rocking back and forth, it was almost like getting a massage. Shortly after that, maybe just days later, I started to get these weird leg straightening pains. At first it was only my left leg, but eventually went to my right. I had no idea what was happening and it began in the morning and did NOT even end during the night. Some nights it would keep me awake, or awaken me from a deep sleep. After a few days of this I went to see my family doctor, who told me that I was having muscle spasms. She put me on some muscle relaxers and home I went. I've always taken medicine when prescribed, and I'm not sure why I didn't do as told this time, but I only took the meds before bed so that I could sleep. After months of this, by spring time, some of the spasms were so severe they would cause me to double over and I'd cry out. Little did I know that because of these spasms things were changing inside my body too, my left leg was shortening (its about 1 1/2 - 2" shorter than my right), my left hip was pulling up, in x-rays the hip didn't even look normal any more. <br /><br />It was now Easter time and my dear friend acrossed the street had her brother and mom visiting. I was in such pain one day that I couldn't even walk. I tried to fix dinner for my family, but it hurt so badly, all I could do was sit and cry. One spasms after another, jerking my legs. My friend called, checking on me and when she heard my voice said we will be right over. In my head, I said, don't bother coming over and praying some sweet little prayer over me....I need GOD to move on my behalf!!! <br /><br />They came over and immediately placed their hands on me and started praying, and it was no sweet quiet prayer. It was heart felt and powerful and the hard debilitating spasms IMMEDIATELY stopped. They never returned either. (Thank You Jesus) I still had the smaller, more milder spasms, but went back to my doctor who had me see a neurologist.<br /><br />This neurologist explain all the symptoms that I was having, and cleared up alot of questions I had. She prescribed me the same muscle relaxers but a higher dose and I was to take them more regularly, as told. I started the meds and guess what? It brought the spasms under complete control. I once again could go on with my life as "usual". Although, from the spasms themselves and then even after controlling them, I had to start walking with a cane. While having the spasms, they would throw me off balance and I would fall, and after we got them under control, because my left leg was shorter now, I was off balance all the time and needed the support. I believe it was during the time of the strong spasms that I even had to get a walker, I struggled to walk so much. So now, I put the walker in the back of my closet and went back to the cane. <br /><br />During the next year or so, I grew cool toward the God who I claimed to worship and love. I found very little time to spend with Him, and busied my life with, well living life. See, I was doing pretty well, so I wasn't so desparate for Him then. I would however, hear His voice speak to me, calling to me trying to draw me back to Him. Once again it would take a decline in my body to get my eyes back on Him. Christmas 2008 was really hard on me as I refused to let the cane and the difficulty of getting around stop me from decorating the house. I loooovvvve Christmas, always have. I ended up falling 5x within 2 weeks, 2 of those times being very hard falls on concrete flooring. (I actually felt my body bounce). I started having some spams again, and one night, I had a fairly hard one but the weird thing that happened had never happened before. Right at the height of the spasms, I felt an actual CRACK in my pelvis area and some pain. I tried to ignore it and go on, but it got so bad I had one of my boys bring out the walker and had to use it to get around. I made an appt with my doctor, but not until I tried to go for a ride on our 6-wheeler and could not even crawl without severe pain in my pelvis. This was 19 Jan 09, and went to see the doctor the very next day. They did x-rays and found that those 5 falls caused quite a bit of damage. I broke both sides of my pelvis and both sides of my sacrum and a chip off my left hip. I guess they were like hairline cracks but the right side of my pelvis had broke completely through when I had that spasm. (which, by the way, are under control again.) Incidentally I started spending time with my Lord and God again, reading His word (the bible) and praying. It was during this time talking with God, that He started to encourage me again, that He was going to heal me. The very next morning, Jan 21, 09 while reading the bible, I was so discouraged, I asked my Lord for a word of encouragement, God spoke to my heart and took me to Nehemiah chpt 6. Like Nehemiah's enemy who tried to scare him into stopping his work on the wall, the enemy of my soul, was trying to scare me and discourage me into stop believing God for my miracle. Then reading further, I seen that the wall got finished, and realized that God was telling me that I need to keep trusting in Him and my healing will come. During this next year or so, I began to grow closer to God. Spending much time with my Jesus, time and time again, I would ask God for a word of encouragement and He would answer me and my cry to Him. I read the word of God like it was nourishment to my soul. time and again reading so many scriptures that pertained to me and my current condition. The Lord was feeding my faith in HIM. I have written in my journal so many scriptures that my Lord gave me to encourage me, oh how my faith in Him grew. Here's just a few of the scriptures I had written down...Luke 8:40-51,John 16:23, Luke 10:19, Acts 10:38, Matt 21:14, 21,22, Mark 6:5-7,13, Mark 10:52, Heb 10:36, Acts 4:4-12, Acts 3:6,7, Matt 8:17, John 15: 1-7, John 14:11-15. There is sooo many more, but that is enough to wet your appetite. :)<br /><br />27 May 09 I wrote down that I felt compelled by my Lord to begin having someone video tape me while I'm not healed yet. I did several times, but after that, let it kind of slide down the priority list.<br /><br />27 Aug 09 While on vacation with family I heard the Lord's voice to speak to me again, as I read Luke 13:13...once again I knew the Lord was encouraging me that I will be healed and it will happen by the laying on of hands.<br /><br />1 Oct 09 I wrote in my journal that I had once again offered my Lord and my God to use my body for HIS GLORY. I was encouraged with the story of Abraham and the offering of his son....God provided the sacrifice at the last moment. He's already provided the sacrifice for mine...."By His stripes you were healed". It's just a matter of God's timing. <br /><br />3 Nov 09 I began to research God's names and character to KNOW Him better. This is in response to a realization that I did not have a passionate love for God. When I asked Him why? He responded to me that I didn't KNOW Him. Of course I knew OF Him and knew Him somewhat(I had for 35 years), but He wanted my whole heart, He wanted me to pursue INTIMACY with Him, to know the wonders of His person. This realization radically changed my walk with God. <br /><br />8 Feb 10 I got a word of encouragement from my Lord...Mal 4..."But for you who fear MY name the sun of righteousness (Jesus) will rise with healing in its (HIS) wings; and you will go forth (Maria) and skip about like calves from the stall." "Rest in Me, Maria, trust also in Me and I will do it. Look to Me, for I AM faithful."<br /><br />6 Mar 10 I wrote in my journal..."This is my revelation of the Father's heart so far":<br /><br />From the very beginning of creation until now, its all been an extravagant love story...God's love story. A perfect, holy, powerful God desiring to create, love, and walk with His creation. God does, and its beautiful...in Eden. Then God's enemy, satan, entices and deceives Eve and she and Adam CHOOSE to disobey God and sin. Sin changes EVERYTHING. A perfect and holy God can not be with sinful people. God continues to pursue people , even in their sinful state. 2 Chron 16:9 "For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He might strongly support those whose hearts are completely His." Problem is that people's hearts were hard toward God and they continued to choose to run from God. God knew all along what it would take to return "us" to an Eden state....to walk with Him again in intimate relationship....He, Himself would have to come to earth and sacrifice Himself on behalf of all people. So He did....Jesus' blood, shed on the cross covers all sin, if we but believe on Him and what He did for us. Then, we are restored back into an intimate relationship with the Living God Himself. We can walk in total restoration with Him, daily. When I really dwell on that thought, I struggle to even comprehend the magnitude of God's unfathomable love for us, His extravagant love.<br /><br />16 Apr 10 Its the day of my appt with my neuro-surgeon....I was not looking forward to going, as I hadn't heard a direct "word" from my Lord on how to respond if the Dr. wanted to do the dreaded surgery. But just the night before, as I lay next to my sweet man, I was feeling a bit anxious, and told him about not hearing what to say in response to Dr. Steve says, " Ria, you don't have to know right now what to say, just listen to what the Dr says and come home and we'll pray about it." Such peace came over me and I fell promptly asleep. Next morning my dear friend and I were sitting in the doctor's waiting area to be called. My phone rings and its my little sister telling me an amazing story of a young girls miraculous healing. I knew then, the Lord was telling me it'll be ok, just keep standing and trusting HIM.<br />Ends up that the doctor suggested that we continue to just wait and watch. So, once again....God was giving me time....time to keep looking to Him and deepening my relationship with Him....He's been opening my eyes...its all about HIM. <br /><br />17 Apr 10 Got a word from my Lord.....Jer 29:10...He's speaking this to my heart, not Israel, not Jeremiah....not someone else....but me. I know it!!! I know that He's telling me here that at His appointed time, when His time is complete, then He will fulfill His good word to heal me. My heart sored. My God IS mindful of me, and He DOES have a plan. I will trust in Him and NOT be afraid. Thank you Lord Jesus!!!!<br /><br />25 Apr 10 I wrote in my journal...a personal word for me from my Lord... "Maria, the blood of the Lamb, My blood, has saved you. Death can not enter. Sickness is but a tool of death's. He has no place in you. You are bought with a price- My blood shed- you are redeemed, you are healed." I began laying my own hands on my back and legs and pleading the blood of Jesus over my body. Speaking God's word over myself. "The blood shall be for a token or sign to you upon (the doorposts of) the houses (my body is now God's house, His temple) where you are, (that) when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and no plague shall be upon you to destroy you, when I smite the land of Egypt." Ex 12:13.... The Lord was revealing a kingdom truth to me here.... The word of God says that Jesus shed blood STILL SPEAKS...and in Rev it says, we will over come him (satan), by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. Praise YOU Jesus, King of Kings...You alone are worthy of all praise. My King will reign forever, He IS mighty to save.<br /><br />6 May 10 The Lord took me to Haggai 2:3-9 I've personalized it, as I knew in my spirit this word was meant directly for me, to me from my God. "Who is left among you Maria, who saw this temple (your body-which is a temple of My Holy Spirit) in its former glory? (the way my body was before the destruction the growths in my spinal cord caused) And how do you see it now? (Broken, Lord) Does it seem to you like nothing in comparison? (to the way it used to be?, yes Lord!) But take courage Maria, declares the Lord, (and all those who are standing with you), take courage' declares the Lord, 'and work; for I AM with you, says the Lord. As for the promise which I made you, Maria, My Spirit is abiding in you; do Not fear!' "For thus says the Lord of Hosts, 'Once more in alittle while, I AM going to shake you and all around you...; and I will fill this house (your body) with MY glory' says the Lord of Hosts. The silver is mine and the gold is mine...YOU ARE MINE ~ for you were bought with a high price...MY blood ~ The latter glory of this house, your body, will be greater than the former' says the Lord of Hosts, 'and in this place I shall give peace,' (to all your members) and they will work together in unity and strength!, declares the Lord of Hosts. Once again, the Lord is telling me that HE will manifest a complete and total supernatural healing in me....that my body will be better than it ever was before. Why? So that all who hear about it or see me, will give God the glory. Praise be to God....for You and You alone are worthy to receive all honor and glory and praise!!! <br /><br />18 May 10 Idea for making a gospel track came to me this morning..... "Who Do You say that I AM?" I then jot down some ideas. (alittle side note....its taken me alittle over a year....but I've finished the gospel track and will be getting it printed in a week or so. 10 June 11)<br /><br />19 May 10 God shows me that being a Healer is part of WHO He is....its an aspect of His very character. Ex 15:26 ..."for I, the LORD, am your healer." Yehovah - Rapha<br />God is a God who heals - its part of who He is. That's one of the reasons that Jesus healed all who came to Him, (Jesus said that He did only what He saw the Father doing and He revealed the very Father to us)...there was so much more the Lord spoke to me here....but I'll save that for a later time. <br /><br />2 June 10 written in my journal....as I was reading the word of God that morning, the page blew back and highlighted was Rom 9:9-10 "For this is a word of promise 'at this time (season of year) I will come and Sarah shall have a son." I know that the Lord was encourageing me. He had given me this same scripture many years ago while I was waiting on Him for a previous miracle. I had been barren and Steve and I was desparate for a baby. This is a completely different walk of faith, but so that you can see where I'm coming from, the Lord gave me this scripture after much waiting on Him to weave a baby in my womb. I had begun to seek Him for a baby 2 years earlier and month after month of not conceiving, was very weary and had asked Him for a word. He gave me this exact scripture and I kid you not, I have it written in my journal of that time....our first baby, Jacob, was conceived ONE YEAR LATER DURING THAT 'SEASON' OF YEAR....Spring. God IS FAITHFUL. So now, I am standing in faith, believing that HE is going to manifest my healing in the summer of 2011. <br /><br />9 June 10 Reading in Acts 3:9,10 and saw in my mind and believe in my heart, this is about me, so I personalized it... "and all the people saw me walking and running and praising God; and they were taking note of me as being the one who used to... use a cane to get around, hobbling, and not being able to run, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to me." I then felt that the Lord was reminding me to start having others take video clips of me to upload here on this blog, for those who don't know me personally, to see me "before" I'm healed, so that they might be amazed at what God does when they see video clips of me after I'm healed.<br /><br />17 June 10 wrote in journal idea to facebook (which later changed to blog) this journey so that many might have access to hear about God miraculously healing me.<br /><br />19 June 10 Read in Acts 19:9 and knew the Lord was speaking to me. "And the Lord said the Paul (Maria) in the night by a vision, 'Do not be afraid any longer (Maria), but go on (and start) speaking and do not be silent." The Lord was telling me to start speaking to others about how He's going to heal me and not to be afraid of what they think of me.<br /><br />21 June 10 The Lord took me to Jer 29:10 again....and my heart soared! "For thus says the Lord, when seventy years have been completed for Babylon, I will visit you and fulfill My good word to you, to bring you back to this place." I knew this scripture, for the Lord had given it to me a little while back. I felt that He was telling me that He would visit me and heal me after 7 years since finding out about my spinal cord. This of course would be during the summer of 2011. Let's just stop here and take note, that I'm blogging this during the summer of 2011...today as I'm typing this its the 15th of June. :) Does my heart leap, OF COURSE IT DOES!! I love you Lord Jesus!!!<br /><br />30 June 10 another encouraging word from my Lord. Acts 27:24,25 "saying, 'do not be afraid Paul (Maria); you must stand before Caesar (many people, testifying of My faithfulness...show them your healed body, and My love & desire for relationship with them)...Therefore keep up your courage (Maria), for I believe God, that it will turn out exactly as I have been told (previously)." and previously I was told by Him that HE IS GOING TO HEAL ME and I believe during the summer of 2011. Ok, so I'm putting myself 'out there', saying that I believe not only is God going to heal me, but to proclaim that it will happen during a specific time period? Yes...I am. If I ere then let me ere on the side of faith in My God!!! Thank You Lord, I praise Your holy name, Jesus!!! <br /><br />11 Aug 10 Again the Lord took me to Jer 29:10, Praise You Lord, for encouraging me. I believe Lord, help my unbelief!!!!!!! I have to tell you, each and every time that I fall, and let me just say, I fall HARD, it shakes me. The enemy wants me to focus on the fact that my body is getting worse, he wants me to falter in my faith. I will NOT!! I have to keep my eyes on Jesus, not my body, not my feelings, not my thoughts, not even on what others say. God knows my heart and He knows that I need encouraged, He reminds me again, summer of 2011.<br /><br />26 Aug 10 One of the most bazaar things happens to me. My dear friend Janene and I were in "town" (Fort Worth area), spending the day together, shopping and having lunch. We were going to her car in Applebee's parking lot when a young woman approached Janene's side of the car. The woman asked if she and her friend could pray for me? (they had seen me walking with the cane, it is quite obvious ya know :) I asked her what she believed. She said, 'we believe that God heals'. I said, 'we are born again believers' and she said, 'we are too'. She asked again if they could pray over me. I said yes. An older woman came over with her to my side of the car and explained that they had just come from healing training and when the younger woman saw me she said 'we should pray over her' she felt the Spirit wanted them to. She then asked me about my body and I told her. She directed me out of the car and had Janene join them in laying hands on me. She proceeded to pray with power and authority over my body, speaking to individual parts. After praying over me, my left leg had noticably grown out and matched my right leg in length. (see above where I'm telling you about my leg shortening because of the spasms, in fall of 2007). God had started my miracle. My left leg is longer, there is no denying it. Why would I want to? God IS faithful!!!!! Thank you precious Jesus!!! When I got home, my boys noticed it right away. I even stood straighter. They were soooo excited. They started praying over/for me every night with renewed faith (esp, my middle son Samuel). <br />Later that evening, as I was preparing dinner, I asked my Lord, "why only part of my healing? This thought immediately came to me....Mark 8:22-26. This is about the blind man that Jesus (God Himself walking in flesh), layed hands on and prayed over. Jesus then asked the blind man if he could see and he responded yes, men like trees. Jesus then lays His hands on him again and the blind man's sight was totally restored. I have to smile in my heart right now...and yes, there is a smile on my face also. My Lord was speaking to me once again, and encouraging me. I knew what He was telling me, it was going to take another laying on of hands for the completion of my healing. Believe Maria, Trust in God, His time, His place!!! Oh yes, Lord Jesus!!!<br /><br />30 Aug 10 I noticed that very morning that my body didn't look "torqued", as I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked straighter. Before this time, my hips were so out of line (along with other factors) I looked curved. Now I looked more straight and my hips were more even. Thank you Jesus. (This was also noted by others.)<br /><br />2 Sept 10 Went to see my doctor and she had x-rays done to see what was different. She told me that she could tell that I was straighter, but according to x-rays not much change. That's ok....I know, as I can see and feel the change in the length of my left leg and I also KNOW that God is faithful and I will see total restoration of my entire body!!! :) Thank you Jesus, Thank you Father!!!<br /><br />I close out this journal and start another one, I ran out of pages... :)<br /><br />18 Sept 10 I open my new journal with this....thought came to me this morning during my time with Jesus, "How can the bride (christians) claim to love the groom (Jesus)when she doesn't even long for His company? Oh how He longs for hers!" This made me weep, "I'm so sorry my Lord, for putting my affections else where, I do long to know You." My newest scripture to memorize, Phil 3:10a in the Amplified bible. "[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him - that I may progessively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and reconizing and understanding [the wonders of His person] more strongly and more clearly." Is that not the most beautiful thought of all? To KNOW INTIMATELY and be acquainted with the wonders of the very person of the Living God Himself? I love that....and that is the title of my new journal...."The pursuit to KNOW the Living God". For that is my heart's longing.....I want to KNOW YOU LORD!!!<br /><br />28 Sept 10 I cry out to my Lord....I want to KNOW You, Lord, the wonders of Your person. Jesus, reveal Yourself to me. Later, as I'm doing laundry, this thought came to me. Who is God? He is everything the Bible says He is and then some - God is: The great I AM, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, the only Uncreated one, the First and the Last, Faithful and True, Love, Merciful, full of Grace, Healer, Redeemer, Friend, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Lamb of God...the list goes on and on, that's only the tip. He is UNCOMPARIBLE because there is NO ONE LIKE HIM!!! Praise You God!!! Now Picture with me, God the Father on His throne. Such blinding light is His glory, you can but barely make out His form -and oh yes, He has a form- He is all powerful, lightnings and thunder come forth from Him. Yet He is full of tender mercies and an alllll comsuming passionate love for us - His creation!!! How amazing!!! Now imagine with me, if you will, The Christ, the Creator of all things, always with The Father- takes on flesh of man and walks as man. Imagine His feelings - as He, the creator, now has flesh like His creation. Can you feel His wonder? (laughing, crying, playing and working alongside His creation?) As He made friends with other children and later with His disciples. He never stopped being God, He never forgot who He was/is and ever will be. How He must have smiled upon man with a new understanding and perspective of His creation, as He Himself was now one of them. His heart must have been so glad as he walked once again with His beloved creation. Jesus Christ is Son of God, but also, Son of man. How amazing is our Saviour, You are so beautiful Lord. Thank you for giving me a sweet revelation of your person.<br /><br />2 Oct 10 Do you know Yehovah Rapha? God Your Healer? He longs for you to know Him and in knowing Him and obeying His word, He will disclose Himself to you, make Himself real to you. He longs for intimacy with each and every person.<br /><br />14 Oct 10 Went to see my neuro-surgeon. I told him about how God is going to heal me and he responded that he wasn't sure where God was. As I was headed out the door after the appointment, he said I didn't need to come back until one year, or if there was any change. I said, "or when I'm healed?" He turned back and smiled and said, "I'll be surprised, glad, but surprised." I'll be going back when I'm healed, for this doctor needs to know my precious Jesus too.<br /> <br />19 Oct 10 Once again the Lord takes me to Jer 29:10....He's reminding me about the summer of 2011....keep believing Maria.<br /><br />19, 20 Jan 11 2 more times the Lord reminded me again of Jer 29:10 <br /><br />26 Jan 11 was feeling discouraged and pleaded with my Lord to give me a word. He took me to Haggai 2:3-9 I knew that the Lord was telling me that He was going to "visit" me 'in alittle while' and would fill me with His glory and manifest my healing and my body will be in better condition after my healing than ever before. Thank you Lord for Your timely word to me. I love you and praise Your holy name Jesus, Yeshua!!!<br /><br />2 Feb 11 Is 46:10b,11b God is faithful to His word..."saying, My purpose will be established, and I will accomplish all My good pleasure;...Truly I have spoken;truly I will bring it to pass. I have planned it, surely I will do it. then read Is 48:10,11 and personalized it "Behold, I have refined you (Maria), but not as silver; I have tested you (Maria) in the furnace of affliction. For My own sake, I will act;(I will manifest your healing Maria and you will receive it). For how can My name be profaned? And My glory I will not give to another." <br /><br />3 Feb 11 during my weekly bible study I read Rom 4 and vs 21 in the amp stood out to me. I memorized it and began to say it....for I believe it. "I am fully satisfied and assured that God is able and mighty to keep His word and to do what He has promised me" (personalized) I looooove that!!!<br /><br />4 Feb 11 another word from my Lord....I personalized it as I "owned it" for myself.<br />Is 51:3 "Indeed, the Lord will visit Maria; He will visit all her waste places, and her broken places He will make like Eden, her body like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and sound of a melody." v12 "I, even I, am He who comforts you, Maria, with these words...do not forget the Lord Your maker, who stretched out the heavens, and laid the foundations of the earth; (and opened your womb)" v14 "your body will soon be set free, and you will not die in this bondage..." v16 "I will put My words in your mouth, and will cover you with the shadow of My hand...you are mine." I so received that word as mine, thank you precious Lord Jesus. How I am beginning to love you so much.<br /><br />18 Apr 11 Ok better late than never, right? ;) I designed the t-shirt and finally had it printed. I also started doing this blog. It's taken me a whole year, but I've begun. I also designed a gospel track, those are the 3 things that I felt the Lord speak to my heart that He wanted me to do. This is all so that many can hear my story and see God's glory when He heals me. <br /><br />8 June 11 Got another word from my Lord....2 Chron 7:1-14 <br /><br />16 June 11 today....the day that I finally post this LONG post, that I've been adding to and working on for 2 months now. :) I didn't want to confuse anyone that came to this blog site and tried to figure out where my story began and 51 blogs later was brought up to date. So I "finished" the story up to THIS POINT in this long blog. Now....I will try and keep you updated as I go along. I do want you to know... I don't care if I end up with egg on my face, because I don't receive my healing this summer....if I ere, let me ere on the side of faith in my Jesus. I will continue to believe...because I am CONVINCED that God, through the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene (Acts 3:16, 4:10), will heal me. I love You, Yehovah!!<br />I love You Yeshua!!!thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-86539870249896651402011-04-06T10:53:00.005-04:002011-05-24T12:09:45.827-04:00My morning coffee..."My story continues"I sit here with the last bit of my precious morning coffee, you see, I love coffee, but this morning its very needed!!! <br /><br />I awoke this morning at about 3:30am....to the anticipated LOUD noise of my husband's shotgun. (The excitement and relief causing me to be instantly alert) He's been "hunting" for almost 2 weeks now, a destructive armadillo. I've yelled at the top of my lungs..."Don't come back, or you will die", for days on end now, as I fix and tend to the torn up soil around my beloved roses and other plants and trees. He's finally dead. The threat of killing more sod and destroying more plants and flowers is gone, at least until another critter finds our property.<br /><br />I share that not as part of my story so much as to show you that I'm just like you in someway....maybe many ways. I'm not without my own dreams, desires, problems, flaws and hang-ups, pains and joys.<br /><br />I'm a wife of 28 years and mother of 4 boys. I have many struggles, perhaps my two greatest being a mother and walking, trying to remain upright while supporting myself with a cane. <br /><br />Let's rewind a bit.....back to why I walk with a cane. <br /><br />It's 2002....late December, Christmas has past and our twins are STILL inside me. I've cried, and pleaded and begged God to let them come early, for I hurt, but along with the pain, I also felt a weird sense of numbness in my legs. I attributed that to the pregnancy. For you should have seen me, I was HUGE. Everyone that seen me would say, "it just doesn't look 'natural'!!! <br /><br />It's January 17, 2003, my doctor says they are full term....we'll induce!! Tears of joy!!<br /><br />As days and weeks go by after I gave birth, the weird numbness does not go away. I also notice that I have alot less strength in my legs, having to pull myself up the stairs with my hands holding the rail. <br /><br />Still attributing it all to the pregnancy, as I was also on bed rest for 3 months.<br /><br />I finally go to see a doctor (at my family's urging) summer of 2003. He gets no reflex from my left knee and very little from my right. Hmmmm, he says with a very crinkled brow and frown. He orders an MRI and muscle test.<br /><br />I leave his office thinking maybe arthritis or something soooo treatable, maybe with some meds and rehab. Later in the week I go to have the tests done and the MRI.<br /><br />A week or so passes and a Sunday rolls around... a brother-in-law shows up at our house, he says he felt compelled to leave the church service to come pray over me. Even though I was unsure why, I welcomed his prayer. A sweet sense of peace seemed to cloak me, and I knew that God had sent him and that God was acutely aware of me and my situation and that HE loved me. This was to become very precious to me and a kind of foundation of faith for the upcoming days and even years ahead!! <br /><br />Monday morning and I need to go back to the doctors, he was to read the findings of the tests and MRI to me. I go...not a bit nervous, he seemed to be though.<br /><br />He puts up the MRIs and starts to explain to me. Maria, you seem to have some kind of growth or tumor INSIDE your spinal cord. I stand there numb....with a stupid smile on my face (even though I didn't know it was there, you see, I tend to do that when I'm scared or nervous). He read that as not comprehending the horrific news, and restates it. Maria, this is very serious, you must understand what I'm saying, do you? I say yes, and eventually leave, scared and numb. (after he gives me the name and number of his recommended neuro-surgeon, that I was to call ASAP)<br /><br />The minute I close the door to our van, the flood gates opened and I cried, maybe unlike any other time in my life. What in the world? Why, God? How? What's going to happen to me? I started the van and drove off, trying to see through the very blurred vision of tears.<br /><br />I'm sorry, but as its getting late and there is much to do today....you will have to tune in later to resume my story with me. I hope you do, for its an amazing story.... Until then, hope you have a great day!! I plan on it, it's sunny outside, suppose to be in the lower 80's, and with the threat of destruction gone for awhile, I get to resume my planting and tending with joy!!thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1721028234774195592.post-25811668783891143612011-04-05T16:59:00.004-04:002011-05-24T12:07:52.224-04:00I'm new at this..."My story begins"Ok, I'm so not a writer, I'm an artist and unike my dear friend that started this blog, I have no writing gift to go with my artistic talent.<br /><br />But....when a dear precious voice inside my heart whispered to me to do three things, and one being to blog, I so wanted to respond. That voice, so dear to me, is God. Yes, Father Yehovah and Yeshua, Jesus HIs Son. He's been my God for 37 years now, but just in the last 2 have I been pursuing an antimacy with Him like never before. As I have sat with Him, He has been revealing Himself to me, morning after morning...day after day. <br /><br />So, for now, this intro will be short. I have 4 boys and three are due home in moments and then off to soccer practice. <br /><br />But if I didn't start this blog now, post SOMETHING, I was certain I would keep putting it off.<br /><br />Please continue to return, to see the unfolding of the most amazing journey that I've been on lately with God. You see, for 7 years now, I've known about a growth inside my spinal cord....to read all about that....tune in later, when the bus is NOT about to pull up. :)thecrushedrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06716614771937659528noreply@blogger.com1