Tuesday, May 15, 2018

I STILL BELIEVE




So, it’s been months since my last post.  I made a major decision during that time, I had back surgery.  They could not and did not go into the spinal cord.  They cut bone from each vertebrae T9-L1.  6 1/2 hour surgery, 1 week in hospital, 2 1/2 weeks in rehab hospital.  The reason for the surgery was to make room for the tumor and take pressure off the nerves.  Doctor’s hope was for more mobility, which I do have.  Before surgery I was practically dragging my right leg and my left shoe toe always wanted to catch.  It was a major ordeal to just walk with the walker to the bathroom.  Legs always felt heavy and tired.  I now can lift both legs completely off the floor, and my legs

feel a bit lighter.  The rehab has been hard and slowww.
The 18th of June will make it 5 months since the surgery.  I chose it to buy me time!  They did a biopsy and it is a low grade (very slow growing) cancerous tumor called Astrocytoma.  Because it’s inside the spinal cord it will not metastasis, spreading to other parts of my body.  And risk is too high for me to even consider radiation at this time, possible nerve damage.  
I’ve said all that to say, surgery bought me time to continue to contend for my miracle healing, and still be able to walk with a walker.  Otherwise I might already be in the wheelchair exclusively.  
I KNOW my Lord is faithful and true.  I KNOW it’s His will for me to be healed and whole!  Jesus paid the ultimate price for it with His blood, by the horrific lashes He received.  I still use the wheelchair I came home with between all the walking with the walker.  I didn’t gain any more feeling, in fact lost more. (As the PTs have worked with me they would ask, “Do you feel that muscle stretching?  Or, “Do you feel that muscle working?” I’d say, no!). I also still use the back brace some (at least it’s not all day long now).  ðŸ˜Š
Even if I chose radiation and with best case scenario, it shrunk it to nothing...there’s no restoring what I’ve lost, medically speaking.  
My hope is in God!  As a daughter, it’s my inheritance.  Will you contend with me?  Declaring His word over me?  Believing with me?
Warring with me against our enemy, as he wants to keep me from receiving?  Praying for me to increase in faith?  This has been a long road!  It’ll be 15 years in August that I found out why my legs were numb and why I had to pull myself up the stairs by the rail.
                            But
“Hope against hope I believe....”
                                             Rom 4:18
I want to share with you a beautiful poem that Holy Spirit gave me last October (keeping in mind I do NOT write poetry, that’s my sister Michelle’s gift):

The Dance
And the enemy thought he had won
when year after year nothings done
but the seed of faith her Lord gave
grew and grew in His name
till the focus of heart was on Him
not on symptoms displayed or within 
knowing He is Who He says He is
and He’ll do what He said He will do
He cannot deny Himself, He is always, always true
to His Word and promise He made
which she spoke, declared and proclaimed
till the seed of the promise burst through 
And her healing was felt and seen too
her joy, her bliss knew no bounds
the long awaited promise broke ground
she acknowledged, praised and thanked God
and not with just a slight nod
she twirled in a whirling dance
just like she had dreamed in advance 
her heart burst in love back to Him
a faith and victory win!
before her Beloved King
songs of worship she did sing
she knew He was faithful and true
now experienced, her love grew and grew
the purpose in the pain realized
It’s always been about the Prize
yes, it’s Him and us in life’s dance
hearts knit in divine romance”

I love You Jesus!!!!!  ❤️