Saturday, July 30, 2011

Missing Parts

Good Morning,
I've been putting off this blog, for its hard to expose oneself. My heart races when I think of the fact that many people, especially loved ones, are reading this blog and watching to see IF God moves on my behalf this summer. Yeah, what a claim....I'm either really out there and plain crazy, or God really does speak to our hearts and when we have time and quiet ourselves enough, we hear Him. I'm also very human and very fleshly, and very fallible. I could have misinterpreted what He was speaking to me and we all know that sometimes we miss it all together. I'm still convinced that I'm hearing from the very one and only living God and that in His timing, I will stand whole in the name of Jesus Christ.

There is a few specific details that I've left out that I have felt that I need to share. In the last few years there has been drastic changes in my body, lower body to be exact. I have lost alot of my feeling. In my legs, it feels as though when touched, that I have on heavy, heavy leg warmers or a thick sports wrap, I can hardly feel when touched. I have fallen quite a bit, I have to walk ever so gingerly...watching every step I take. I try to always go barefoot, as any sandal or shoe, no matter how light or well fit, catches and I stumble.
I also barely feel when I need to go to the bathroom, and I have frequent accidents. At first this was soooo embarrassing, but after many of them, even in public, I just shrug my shoulders and finish my task, go home and change.
I HATE all these changes, but I've learned to turn my anger towards the enemy, and not my body because I refuse to let him discourage me. My hope is in the Lord, who made the heavens and the earth, and loves me so much He calls me His beloved. (by the way, if you have never been told this....He calls YOU His beloved too!!!!!)

I've also left out, by accident, that the Doctors have all agreed on one thing....I will eventually need surgery, its just a matter of when I decide to have it and take my chances. They also agree that medically speaking, once a nerve is damaged, it NEVER recovers or works again. I realize that this is a FACT, but changing facts is nothing for my God.

Please continue to check this blog for updates and EVENTUALLY see the Glory of our God.
"For I am fully satisfied and assured that God is able and mighty to keep His word and to do what He has promised me" Rom 4:21

Oh my sweet Jesus, how I love You and desire to love You more.