Monday, April 25, 2011

"As my Story continues"

It's been a couple of weeks since my last post, so I was determined to get on here and resume my story...

Last I wrote was that the flood gates opened and I wept before God....right there in my van. "Why God, why me?"

In the following days, I felt totally surreal....feeling so afraid that what I've found out was going take my life or at the very least take my ability to walk. I followed up my appointment by calling the highly recommended neurosurgeon, but couldn't get in to see him until Sept 4 2003.

In the meantime I started running to my God in prayer and reading His Word (the Bible). I had been a Christian for many many years, and had run to Him on other occasions in desperation. I love God, but you know when life goes along well, ya seem to just ride the calm sweet waves of life and put God on the "back burner". Then something "big" happens and then we cry out, well....I was crying out. "My Jesus, I need You."

Aug 6 I read (not sure where, but knew these words were for me)...."and I shall engineer your circumstances to conform to My plan and My will." God was speaking to me.

Next day, Aug 7th will remain forever seared in my mind and heart. I was on our front porch swinging one of our twins. Still feeling so scared and talking to God. Clear as a bell in my mind I heard my Lord speak these words: "will you trust ME?" I said (and maybe even outloud), "yes Lord, who else do I have to trust but You?" I believe he then gently reminded me of a story in the Bible....Lazarus. "But for the glory of God,that the Son of God may be glorified by it." John 11:4 then in John 11:40 "Jesus said to her, "Did I not say to you, if you believe, you will see the glory of God?" I then wondered what my Lord meant, thinking this "tumor" is going to get worse and so is my body, so that God will be glorified. I then realized that when Jesus asked me if I trust Him?, He was asking me for my blind faith in Him, to not only see me through this, but to believe Him for a healing, a total healing.

Aug 15, God had plans to heal my soul first. Two of my three dearest friends were living right there in the same town, but I had felt let down by them and was hurting inside. We agreed to go to one of their homes for a weekend "retreat" to share and wrestle with whatever needed to be wrested with, inorder for forgiveness and healing to flow. It was a "hard" start, alot of pain came out of me, and then they shared and alot of pain came out of them. The hard start turned into a glorious end. We forgave and were linked in our souls and hearts again. But I sensed there was more that the Lord needed to work on in me. I sign up to go to our church's women's retreat on Sept 6th.

Sept 4th comes and I go to see the highly recommended neuro-surgeon and he says that he would need to go in and see what this tumor was and try and take it out. He then said what I had been fearing...."It's a huge risk, highly likely to lose the use of my lower body." He then informed us that since he was not in our insurance's network, he couldn't perform the surgery. I was totally freaking out inside, and begged my husband, who was right there beside me, "please, let this 'highly recommended' doctor do my surgery."??? The doctor, hearing me ask my husband that, said that it would be a HUGE amount of $$ that we would have to pay and that would add to our stress of everything, and he recommended that we allow him to look into another neurosurgeon for us. He said he had done some of his residency at the Cleveland Clinic and one of the doctors that he worked under was world-renown. He told us that he would call him personally and get back to us.

We left, I in a stupor. It was all happening....just as I had fearfully anticipated. Oh Jesus, help me!!

I got a phone call the next day, it was the neuro-surgeon that I had seen just the day before. He told me that he talked with this other doctor and he had agreed to take my case, but only because he had asked him personally. He shared my case with him and even though he was overbooked, he agreed to see me. I called and set the appointment, it wasn't to be until September 29, 2003.

Sept 6 came and I went to the women's retreat, alot of past hurts and wrongs that I had kept hidden in my heart came out and I layed them down at my Lord's feet. Even the praise and worship songs washed over me like fresh water to a parched soul. One evening during worship, I heard the Lord so loud and clear in my heart, "Maria, keep knocking on the door of heaven, I WILL heal you." Everything about that weekend was healing to my soul. One morning however, one of the ladies that roomed with me said she had had a vision/dream about me and was hesitant to tell me, I urged her to and so she did. She said she had seen me crying out to those ahead of me to slow down because I could hardly get along, my legs felt so heavy like lead. I tucked that away, refusing to let any fear come in.

My Mom called me during the retreat to tell me that she found out that Kenneth Hagin (who had a special gift of healing for tumors and growths) was to be in Las Vegas soon and my other dearest friend and her husband lived there. My Mom did all the research and phone calls, I only walked through the open doors.

We then were off to Las Vegas, My dear friend and I went to the first evening service, I was sooooo excited, this may be when God heals me. We pull into the parking lot of the church and there was NOT ONE CAR, that was not a good sign. She got out of the car and walked up to the doors and read a note that was posted there. I later found out she was sick inside, dreading telling me the news. Alllll the meetings were cancelled. We didn't even know why at the time. Of course, I wanted to cry out to God, ok, so I did. Lord, what in the world? Why am I here? Everyone that I called and told, including my Mom, said maybe I was here to just "be" with my husband and friends. Don't fret Maria.
We later found out that the meetings were cancelled because Kenneth Hagin had fell sick and later on passed and went to be with Jesus. Ok Lord, it was not the time....not Your time. I will continue to trust You and believe in You.

Sept 29, Off to see the neuro-surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic. Our friends from Las Vegas were here for a visit and so they went with us. The trip up, although could have been nerve racking....wasn't, they continually made me laugh, my dear friend has a way of doing that ALOT. :) We sat in the waiting room, for quite some time, but instead of feeling sick, we were engaged in much laughter. God is sooo good. After seeing the doctor and talking with him at length about all my symptoms and the timeline and doing some tests, he surmised that the "growths" were there all my life but grew each time I was pregnant, the pressure of the baby on my spinal cord and the hormones. His diagnosis was a "gift", he wanted to wait and watch. Said he wanted to see me 2x a year, after new MRI's each time to see if there was any growth or change. I left there with such a lighter step and heart.

My fears were being replaced with trust and faith in Jesus. I continued to spend time with Him, in prayer and His word. Waiting on Him to speak to my heart,many a times.

One sad day came, when my little sister (who is also a dear dear friend), stopped by our house to tell me that she was moving to Wisconsin. She didn't want to move and even tried using my situation with my body as a reason that she could not possibly move. But God had spoken to her heart and she knew that HE wanted her to move there with her family. I was so disheartened.

During this time, my husband had been asking me about moving to Texas. Our dear friends that lived in Los Vegas moved to N. Texas and had been asking us to move there. I kept saying NO NO NO. I felt "safe" in Ohio, I had a church family that was going along side me in this and our other dear friends still lived there and my parents, not to mention the wonderful neuro-surgeon in Cleveland, and let's not forget, I was still in survival mode with toddler twin boys and two other young boys. No, I was NOT moving to Texas.

Then one day, came that sweet still soft voice, "Do Not allow your fears to keep Me from doing what I want to do in your lives. Trust Me, Maria, trust Me wholly." I knew what my Lord was saying. We were suppose to move to Texas. But I wasn't ready to walk in obedience yet. I stubbornly refused to say yes to Texas, until one day, maybe a week or two later, I was standing doing the dinner dishes and I once again heard my Lord's voice. He told me several reasons that He desired us to move to Texas, but the one that caught my heart, was that one of our dear friends there did NOT know our Jesus. Somehow, and I had NO IDEA how, the Lord wanted to use us to plant seeds into our friends heart and life. I could no longer hesitate, I talked with my husband and told him yes, I would move to Texas. We put our house up for sale and God moved on our behalf, our house sold during a very dry selling time, in 3 months, being the only house in the area to have sold. We packed up our stuff and moved to Texas....with the most amazing thing untold... My husband did not have a job lined up. We were living in faith, God said go, and we were going.

The whole struggle with job hunting and finding and so forth is really another story, but I'll cut to the chase. GOD WAS AND IS FAITHFUL!!! My husband (ok, his name is Steve :)got a job, but it was barely enough to close on our house, but it was ENOUGH. Eventually Steve got the job he desired and still works there, using his wonderful gifts and capabilities. In the meantime, I'm going about my life, raising my 4 young boys, unpacking and making a new home in Texas.

Let's now fast forward to the fall of 2007. I had been diligently painting, getting ready for an art show that was taking place in some local gardens. I had never painted so many pictures in such a short amount of time. My lower back was starting to bother me alot, due to standing for long periods of time while painting. I would then have my twins (then only 4 1/2) take turns sitting on my lower back and rocking back and forth, it was almost like getting a massage. Shortly after that, maybe just days later, I started to get these weird leg straightening pains. At first it was only my left leg, but eventually went to my right. I had no idea what was happening and it began in the morning and did NOT even end during the night. Some nights it would keep me awake, or awaken me from a deep sleep. After a few days of this I went to see my family doctor, who told me that I was having muscle spasms. She put me on some muscle relaxers and home I went. I've always taken medicine when prescribed, and I'm not sure why I didn't do as told this time, but I only took the meds before bed so that I could sleep. After months of this, by spring time, some of the spasms were so severe they would cause me to double over and I'd cry out. Little did I know that because of these spasms things were changing inside my body too, my left leg was shortening (its about 1 1/2 - 2" shorter than my right), my left hip was pulling up, in x-rays the hip didn't even look normal any more.

It was now Easter time and my dear friend acrossed the street had her brother and mom visiting. I was in such pain one day that I couldn't even walk. I tried to fix dinner for my family, but it hurt so badly, all I could do was sit and cry. One spasms after another, jerking my legs. My friend called, checking on me and when she heard my voice said we will be right over. In my head, I said, don't bother coming over and praying some sweet little prayer over me....I need GOD to move on my behalf!!!

They came over and immediately placed their hands on me and started praying, and it was no sweet quiet prayer. It was heart felt and powerful and the hard debilitating spasms IMMEDIATELY stopped. They never returned either. (Thank You Jesus) I still had the smaller, more milder spasms, but went back to my doctor who had me see a neurologist.

This neurologist explain all the symptoms that I was having, and cleared up alot of questions I had. She prescribed me the same muscle relaxers but a higher dose and I was to take them more regularly, as told. I started the meds and guess what? It brought the spasms under complete control. I once again could go on with my life as "usual". Although, from the spasms themselves and then even after controlling them, I had to start walking with a cane. While having the spasms, they would throw me off balance and I would fall, and after we got them under control, because my left leg was shorter now, I was off balance all the time and needed the support. I believe it was during the time of the strong spasms that I even had to get a walker, I struggled to walk so much. So now, I put the walker in the back of my closet and went back to the cane.

During the next year or so, I grew cool toward the God who I claimed to worship and love. I found very little time to spend with Him, and busied my life with, well living life. See, I was doing pretty well, so I wasn't so desparate for Him then. I would however, hear His voice speak to me, calling to me trying to draw me back to Him. Once again it would take a decline in my body to get my eyes back on Him. Christmas 2008 was really hard on me as I refused to let the cane and the difficulty of getting around stop me from decorating the house. I loooovvvve Christmas, always have. I ended up falling 5x within 2 weeks, 2 of those times being very hard falls on concrete flooring. (I actually felt my body bounce). I started having some spams again, and one night, I had a fairly hard one but the weird thing that happened had never happened before. Right at the height of the spasms, I felt an actual CRACK in my pelvis area and some pain. I tried to ignore it and go on, but it got so bad I had one of my boys bring out the walker and had to use it to get around. I made an appt with my doctor, but not until I tried to go for a ride on our 6-wheeler and could not even crawl without severe pain in my pelvis. This was 19 Jan 09, and went to see the doctor the very next day. They did x-rays and found that those 5 falls caused quite a bit of damage. I broke both sides of my pelvis and both sides of my sacrum and a chip off my left hip. I guess they were like hairline cracks but the right side of my pelvis had broke completely through when I had that spasm. (which, by the way, are under control again.) Incidentally I started spending time with my Lord and God again, reading His word (the bible) and praying. It was during this time talking with God, that He started to encourage me again, that He was going to heal me. The very next morning, Jan 21, 09 while reading the bible, I was so discouraged, I asked my Lord for a word of encouragement, God spoke to my heart and took me to Nehemiah chpt 6. Like Nehemiah's enemy who tried to scare him into stopping his work on the wall, the enemy of my soul, was trying to scare me and discourage me into stop believing God for my miracle. Then reading further, I seen that the wall got finished, and realized that God was telling me that I need to keep trusting in Him and my healing will come. During this next year or so, I began to grow closer to God. Spending much time with my Jesus, time and time again, I would ask God for a word of encouragement and He would answer me and my cry to Him. I read the word of God like it was nourishment to my soul. time and again reading so many scriptures that pertained to me and my current condition. The Lord was feeding my faith in HIM. I have written in my journal so many scriptures that my Lord gave me to encourage me, oh how my faith in Him grew. Here's just a few of the scriptures I had written down...Luke 8:40-51,John 16:23, Luke 10:19, Acts 10:38, Matt 21:14, 21,22, Mark 6:5-7,13, Mark 10:52, Heb 10:36, Acts 4:4-12, Acts 3:6,7, Matt 8:17, John 15: 1-7, John 14:11-15. There is sooo many more, but that is enough to wet your appetite. :)

27 May 09 I wrote down that I felt compelled by my Lord to begin having someone video tape me while I'm not healed yet. I did several times, but after that, let it kind of slide down the priority list.

27 Aug 09 While on vacation with family I heard the Lord's voice to speak to me again, as I read Luke 13:13...once again I knew the Lord was encouraging me that I will be healed and it will happen by the laying on of hands.

1 Oct 09 I wrote in my journal that I had once again offered my Lord and my God to use my body for HIS GLORY. I was encouraged with the story of Abraham and the offering of his son....God provided the sacrifice at the last moment. He's already provided the sacrifice for mine...."By His stripes you were healed". It's just a matter of God's timing.

3 Nov 09 I began to research God's names and character to KNOW Him better. This is in response to a realization that I did not have a passionate love for God. When I asked Him why? He responded to me that I didn't KNOW Him. Of course I knew OF Him and knew Him somewhat(I had for 35 years), but He wanted my whole heart, He wanted me to pursue INTIMACY with Him, to know the wonders of His person. This realization radically changed my walk with God.

8 Feb 10 I got a word of encouragement from my Lord...Mal 4..."But for you who fear MY name the sun of righteousness (Jesus) will rise with healing in its (HIS) wings; and you will go forth (Maria) and skip about like calves from the stall." "Rest in Me, Maria, trust also in Me and I will do it. Look to Me, for I AM faithful."

6 Mar 10 I wrote in my journal..."This is my revelation of the Father's heart so far":

From the very beginning of creation until now, its all been an extravagant love story...God's love story. A perfect, holy, powerful God desiring to create, love, and walk with His creation. God does, and its Eden. Then God's enemy, satan, entices and deceives Eve and she and Adam CHOOSE to disobey God and sin. Sin changes EVERYTHING. A perfect and holy God can not be with sinful people. God continues to pursue people , even in their sinful state. 2 Chron 16:9 "For the eyes of the Lord move to and fro throughout the earth that He might strongly support those whose hearts are completely His." Problem is that people's hearts were hard toward God and they continued to choose to run from God. God knew all along what it would take to return "us" to an Eden walk with Him again in intimate relationship....He, Himself would have to come to earth and sacrifice Himself on behalf of all people. So He did....Jesus' blood, shed on the cross covers all sin, if we but believe on Him and what He did for us. Then, we are restored back into an intimate relationship with the Living God Himself. We can walk in total restoration with Him, daily. When I really dwell on that thought, I struggle to even comprehend the magnitude of God's unfathomable love for us, His extravagant love.

16 Apr 10 Its the day of my appt with my neuro-surgeon....I was not looking forward to going, as I hadn't heard a direct "word" from my Lord on how to respond if the Dr. wanted to do the dreaded surgery. But just the night before, as I lay next to my sweet man, I was feeling a bit anxious, and told him about not hearing what to say in response to Dr. Steve says, " Ria, you don't have to know right now what to say, just listen to what the Dr says and come home and we'll pray about it." Such peace came over me and I fell promptly asleep. Next morning my dear friend and I were sitting in the doctor's waiting area to be called. My phone rings and its my little sister telling me an amazing story of a young girls miraculous healing. I knew then, the Lord was telling me it'll be ok, just keep standing and trusting HIM.
Ends up that the doctor suggested that we continue to just wait and watch. So, once again....God was giving me time....time to keep looking to Him and deepening my relationship with Him....He's been opening my eyes...its all about HIM.

17 Apr 10 Got a word from my Lord.....Jer 29:10...He's speaking this to my heart, not Israel, not Jeremiah....not someone else....but me. I know it!!! I know that He's telling me here that at His appointed time, when His time is complete, then He will fulfill His good word to heal me. My heart sored. My God IS mindful of me, and He DOES have a plan. I will trust in Him and NOT be afraid. Thank you Lord Jesus!!!!

25 Apr 10 I wrote in my journal...a personal word for me from my Lord... "Maria, the blood of the Lamb, My blood, has saved you. Death can not enter. Sickness is but a tool of death's. He has no place in you. You are bought with a price- My blood shed- you are redeemed, you are healed." I began laying my own hands on my back and legs and pleading the blood of Jesus over my body. Speaking God's word over myself. "The blood shall be for a token or sign to you upon (the doorposts of) the houses (my body is now God's house, His temple) where you are, (that) when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and no plague shall be upon you to destroy you, when I smite the land of Egypt." Ex 12:13.... The Lord was revealing a kingdom truth to me here.... The word of God says that Jesus shed blood STILL SPEAKS...and in Rev it says, we will over come him (satan), by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. Praise YOU Jesus, King of Kings...You alone are worthy of all praise. My King will reign forever, He IS mighty to save.

6 May 10 The Lord took me to Haggai 2:3-9 I've personalized it, as I knew in my spirit this word was meant directly for me, to me from my God. "Who is left among you Maria, who saw this temple (your body-which is a temple of My Holy Spirit) in its former glory? (the way my body was before the destruction the growths in my spinal cord caused) And how do you see it now? (Broken, Lord) Does it seem to you like nothing in comparison? (to the way it used to be?, yes Lord!) But take courage Maria, declares the Lord, (and all those who are standing with you), take courage' declares the Lord, 'and work; for I AM with you, says the Lord. As for the promise which I made you, Maria, My Spirit is abiding in you; do Not fear!' "For thus says the Lord of Hosts, 'Once more in alittle while, I AM going to shake you and all around you...; and I will fill this house (your body) with MY glory' says the Lord of Hosts. The silver is mine and the gold is mine...YOU ARE MINE ~ for you were bought with a high price...MY blood ~ The latter glory of this house, your body, will be greater than the former' says the Lord of Hosts, 'and in this place I shall give peace,' (to all your members) and they will work together in unity and strength!, declares the Lord of Hosts. Once again, the Lord is telling me that HE will manifest a complete and total supernatural healing in me....that my body will be better than it ever was before. Why? So that all who hear about it or see me, will give God the glory. Praise be to God....for You and You alone are worthy to receive all honor and glory and praise!!!

18 May 10 Idea for making a gospel track came to me this morning..... "Who Do You say that I AM?" I then jot down some ideas. (alittle side note....its taken me alittle over a year....but I've finished the gospel track and will be getting it printed in a week or so. 10 June 11)

19 May 10 God shows me that being a Healer is part of WHO He is....its an aspect of His very character. Ex 15:26 ..."for I, the LORD, am your healer." Yehovah - Rapha
God is a God who heals - its part of who He is. That's one of the reasons that Jesus healed all who came to Him, (Jesus said that He did only what He saw the Father doing and He revealed the very Father to us)...there was so much more the Lord spoke to me here....but I'll save that for a later time.

2 June 10 written in my I was reading the word of God that morning, the page blew back and highlighted was Rom 9:9-10 "For this is a word of promise 'at this time (season of year) I will come and Sarah shall have a son." I know that the Lord was encourageing me. He had given me this same scripture many years ago while I was waiting on Him for a previous miracle. I had been barren and Steve and I was desparate for a baby. This is a completely different walk of faith, but so that you can see where I'm coming from, the Lord gave me this scripture after much waiting on Him to weave a baby in my womb. I had begun to seek Him for a baby 2 years earlier and month after month of not conceiving, was very weary and had asked Him for a word. He gave me this exact scripture and I kid you not, I have it written in my journal of that time....our first baby, Jacob, was conceived ONE YEAR LATER DURING THAT 'SEASON' OF YEAR....Spring. God IS FAITHFUL. So now, I am standing in faith, believing that HE is going to manifest my healing in the summer of 2011.

9 June 10 Reading in Acts 3:9,10 and saw in my mind and believe in my heart, this is about me, so I personalized it... "and all the people saw me walking and running and praising God; and they were taking note of me as being the one who used to... use a cane to get around, hobbling, and not being able to run, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to me." I then felt that the Lord was reminding me to start having others take video clips of me to upload here on this blog, for those who don't know me personally, to see me "before" I'm healed, so that they might be amazed at what God does when they see video clips of me after I'm healed.

17 June 10 wrote in journal idea to facebook (which later changed to blog) this journey so that many might have access to hear about God miraculously healing me.

19 June 10 Read in Acts 19:9 and knew the Lord was speaking to me. "And the Lord said the Paul (Maria) in the night by a vision, 'Do not be afraid any longer (Maria), but go on (and start) speaking and do not be silent." The Lord was telling me to start speaking to others about how He's going to heal me and not to be afraid of what they think of me.

21 June 10 The Lord took me to Jer 29:10 again....and my heart soared! "For thus says the Lord, when seventy years have been completed for Babylon, I will visit you and fulfill My good word to you, to bring you back to this place." I knew this scripture, for the Lord had given it to me a little while back. I felt that He was telling me that He would visit me and heal me after 7 years since finding out about my spinal cord. This of course would be during the summer of 2011. Let's just stop here and take note, that I'm blogging this during the summer of as I'm typing this its the 15th of June. :) Does my heart leap, OF COURSE IT DOES!! I love you Lord Jesus!!!

30 June 10 another encouraging word from my Lord. Acts 27:24,25 "saying, 'do not be afraid Paul (Maria); you must stand before Caesar (many people, testifying of My them your healed body, and My love & desire for relationship with them)...Therefore keep up your courage (Maria), for I believe God, that it will turn out exactly as I have been told (previously)." and previously I was told by Him that HE IS GOING TO HEAL ME and I believe during the summer of 2011. Ok, so I'm putting myself 'out there', saying that I believe not only is God going to heal me, but to proclaim that it will happen during a specific time period? Yes...I am. If I ere then let me ere on the side of faith in My God!!! Thank You Lord, I praise Your holy name, Jesus!!!

11 Aug 10 Again the Lord took me to Jer 29:10, Praise You Lord, for encouraging me. I believe Lord, help my unbelief!!!!!!! I have to tell you, each and every time that I fall, and let me just say, I fall HARD, it shakes me. The enemy wants me to focus on the fact that my body is getting worse, he wants me to falter in my faith. I will NOT!! I have to keep my eyes on Jesus, not my body, not my feelings, not my thoughts, not even on what others say. God knows my heart and He knows that I need encouraged, He reminds me again, summer of 2011.

26 Aug 10 One of the most bazaar things happens to me. My dear friend Janene and I were in "town" (Fort Worth area), spending the day together, shopping and having lunch. We were going to her car in Applebee's parking lot when a young woman approached Janene's side of the car. The woman asked if she and her friend could pray for me? (they had seen me walking with the cane, it is quite obvious ya know :) I asked her what she believed. She said, 'we believe that God heals'. I said, 'we are born again believers' and she said, 'we are too'. She asked again if they could pray over me. I said yes. An older woman came over with her to my side of the car and explained that they had just come from healing training and when the younger woman saw me she said 'we should pray over her' she felt the Spirit wanted them to. She then asked me about my body and I told her. She directed me out of the car and had Janene join them in laying hands on me. She proceeded to pray with power and authority over my body, speaking to individual parts. After praying over me, my left leg had noticably grown out and matched my right leg in length. (see above where I'm telling you about my leg shortening because of the spasms, in fall of 2007). God had started my miracle. My left leg is longer, there is no denying it. Why would I want to? God IS faithful!!!!! Thank you precious Jesus!!! When I got home, my boys noticed it right away. I even stood straighter. They were soooo excited. They started praying over/for me every night with renewed faith (esp, my middle son Samuel).
Later that evening, as I was preparing dinner, I asked my Lord, "why only part of my healing? This thought immediately came to me....Mark 8:22-26. This is about the blind man that Jesus (God Himself walking in flesh), layed hands on and prayed over. Jesus then asked the blind man if he could see and he responded yes, men like trees. Jesus then lays His hands on him again and the blind man's sight was totally restored. I have to smile in my heart right now...and yes, there is a smile on my face also. My Lord was speaking to me once again, and encouraging me. I knew what He was telling me, it was going to take another laying on of hands for the completion of my healing. Believe Maria, Trust in God, His time, His place!!! Oh yes, Lord Jesus!!!

30 Aug 10 I noticed that very morning that my body didn't look "torqued", as I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked straighter. Before this time, my hips were so out of line (along with other factors) I looked curved. Now I looked more straight and my hips were more even. Thank you Jesus. (This was also noted by others.)

2 Sept 10 Went to see my doctor and she had x-rays done to see what was different. She told me that she could tell that I was straighter, but according to x-rays not much change. That's ok....I know, as I can see and feel the change in the length of my left leg and I also KNOW that God is faithful and I will see total restoration of my entire body!!! :) Thank you Jesus, Thank you Father!!!

I close out this journal and start another one, I ran out of pages... :)

18 Sept 10 I open my new journal with this....thought came to me this morning during my time with Jesus, "How can the bride (christians) claim to love the groom (Jesus)when she doesn't even long for His company? Oh how He longs for hers!" This made me weep, "I'm so sorry my Lord, for putting my affections else where, I do long to know You." My newest scripture to memorize, Phil 3:10a in the Amplified bible. "[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him - that I may progessively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and reconizing and understanding [the wonders of His person] more strongly and more clearly." Is that not the most beautiful thought of all? To KNOW INTIMATELY and be acquainted with the wonders of the very person of the Living God Himself? I love that....and that is the title of my new journal...."The pursuit to KNOW the Living God". For that is my heart's longing.....I want to KNOW YOU LORD!!!

28 Sept 10 I cry out to my Lord....I want to KNOW You, Lord, the wonders of Your person. Jesus, reveal Yourself to me. Later, as I'm doing laundry, this thought came to me. Who is God? He is everything the Bible says He is and then some - God is: The great I AM, the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End, the only Uncreated one, the First and the Last, Faithful and True, Love, Merciful, full of Grace, Healer, Redeemer, Friend, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Lamb of God...the list goes on and on, that's only the tip. He is UNCOMPARIBLE because there is NO ONE LIKE HIM!!! Praise You God!!! Now Picture with me, God the Father on His throne. Such blinding light is His glory, you can but barely make out His form -and oh yes, He has a form- He is all powerful, lightnings and thunder come forth from Him. Yet He is full of tender mercies and an alllll comsuming passionate love for us - His creation!!! How amazing!!! Now imagine with me, if you will, The Christ, the Creator of all things, always with The Father- takes on flesh of man and walks as man. Imagine His feelings - as He, the creator, now has flesh like His creation. Can you feel His wonder? (laughing, crying, playing and working alongside His creation?) As He made friends with other children and later with His disciples. He never stopped being God, He never forgot who He was/is and ever will be. How He must have smiled upon man with a new understanding and perspective of His creation, as He Himself was now one of them. His heart must have been so glad as he walked once again with His beloved creation. Jesus Christ is Son of God, but also, Son of man. How amazing is our Saviour, You are so beautiful Lord. Thank you for giving me a sweet revelation of your person.

2 Oct 10 Do you know Yehovah Rapha? God Your Healer? He longs for you to know Him and in knowing Him and obeying His word, He will disclose Himself to you, make Himself real to you. He longs for intimacy with each and every person.

14 Oct 10 Went to see my neuro-surgeon. I told him about how God is going to heal me and he responded that he wasn't sure where God was. As I was headed out the door after the appointment, he said I didn't need to come back until one year, or if there was any change. I said, "or when I'm healed?" He turned back and smiled and said, "I'll be surprised, glad, but surprised." I'll be going back when I'm healed, for this doctor needs to know my precious Jesus too.

19 Oct 10 Once again the Lord takes me to Jer 29:10....He's reminding me about the summer of 2011....keep believing Maria.

19, 20 Jan 11 2 more times the Lord reminded me again of Jer 29:10

26 Jan 11 was feeling discouraged and pleaded with my Lord to give me a word. He took me to Haggai 2:3-9 I knew that the Lord was telling me that He was going to "visit" me 'in alittle while' and would fill me with His glory and manifest my healing and my body will be in better condition after my healing than ever before. Thank you Lord for Your timely word to me. I love you and praise Your holy name Jesus, Yeshua!!!

2 Feb 11 Is 46:10b,11b God is faithful to His word..."saying, My purpose will be established, and I will accomplish all My good pleasure;...Truly I have spoken;truly I will bring it to pass. I have planned it, surely I will do it. then read Is 48:10,11 and personalized it "Behold, I have refined you (Maria), but not as silver; I have tested you (Maria) in the furnace of affliction. For My own sake, I will act;(I will manifest your healing Maria and you will receive it). For how can My name be profaned? And My glory I will not give to another."

3 Feb 11 during my weekly bible study I read Rom 4 and vs 21 in the amp stood out to me. I memorized it and began to say it....for I believe it. "I am fully satisfied and assured that God is able and mighty to keep His word and to do what He has promised me" (personalized) I looooove that!!!

4 Feb 11 another word from my Lord....I personalized it as I "owned it" for myself.
Is 51:3 "Indeed, the Lord will visit Maria; He will visit all her waste places, and her broken places He will make like Eden, her body like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and sound of a melody." v12 "I, even I, am He who comforts you, Maria, with these not forget the Lord Your maker, who stretched out the heavens, and laid the foundations of the earth; (and opened your womb)" v14 "your body will soon be set free, and you will not die in this bondage..." v16 "I will put My words in your mouth, and will cover you with the shadow of My are mine." I so received that word as mine, thank you precious Lord Jesus. How I am beginning to love you so much.

18 Apr 11 Ok better late than never, right? ;) I designed the t-shirt and finally had it printed. I also started doing this blog. It's taken me a whole year, but I've begun. I also designed a gospel track, those are the 3 things that I felt the Lord speak to my heart that He wanted me to do. This is all so that many can hear my story and see God's glory when He heals me.

8 June 11 Got another word from my Lord....2 Chron 7:1-14

16 June 11 today....the day that I finally post this LONG post, that I've been adding to and working on for 2 months now. :) I didn't want to confuse anyone that came to this blog site and tried to figure out where my story began and 51 blogs later was brought up to date. So I "finished" the story up to THIS POINT in this long blog. Now....I will try and keep you updated as I go along. I do want you to know... I don't care if I end up with egg on my face, because I don't receive my healing this summer....if I ere, let me ere on the side of faith in my Jesus. I will continue to believe...because I am CONVINCED that God, through the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene (Acts 3:16, 4:10), will heal me. I love You, Yehovah!!
I love You Yeshua!!!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

My morning coffee..."My story continues"

I sit here with the last bit of my precious morning coffee, you see, I love coffee, but this morning its very needed!!!

I awoke this morning at about the anticipated LOUD noise of my husband's shotgun. (The excitement and relief causing me to be instantly alert) He's been "hunting" for almost 2 weeks now, a destructive armadillo. I've yelled at the top of my lungs..."Don't come back, or you will die", for days on end now, as I fix and tend to the torn up soil around my beloved roses and other plants and trees. He's finally dead. The threat of killing more sod and destroying more plants and flowers is gone, at least until another critter finds our property.

I share that not as part of my story so much as to show you that I'm just like you in someway....maybe many ways. I'm not without my own dreams, desires, problems, flaws and hang-ups, pains and joys.

I'm a wife of 28 years and mother of 4 boys. I have many struggles, perhaps my two greatest being a mother and walking, trying to remain upright while supporting myself with a cane.

Let's rewind a bit.....back to why I walk with a cane.

It's 2002....late December, Christmas has past and our twins are STILL inside me. I've cried, and pleaded and begged God to let them come early, for I hurt, but along with the pain, I also felt a weird sense of numbness in my legs. I attributed that to the pregnancy. For you should have seen me, I was HUGE. Everyone that seen me would say, "it just doesn't look 'natural'!!!

It's January 17, 2003, my doctor says they are full term....we'll induce!! Tears of joy!!

As days and weeks go by after I gave birth, the weird numbness does not go away. I also notice that I have alot less strength in my legs, having to pull myself up the stairs with my hands holding the rail.

Still attributing it all to the pregnancy, as I was also on bed rest for 3 months.

I finally go to see a doctor (at my family's urging) summer of 2003. He gets no reflex from my left knee and very little from my right. Hmmmm, he says with a very crinkled brow and frown. He orders an MRI and muscle test.

I leave his office thinking maybe arthritis or something soooo treatable, maybe with some meds and rehab. Later in the week I go to have the tests done and the MRI.

A week or so passes and a Sunday rolls around... a brother-in-law shows up at our house, he says he felt compelled to leave the church service to come pray over me. Even though I was unsure why, I welcomed his prayer. A sweet sense of peace seemed to cloak me, and I knew that God had sent him and that God was acutely aware of me and my situation and that HE loved me. This was to become very precious to me and a kind of foundation of faith for the upcoming days and even years ahead!!

Monday morning and I need to go back to the doctors, he was to read the findings of the tests and MRI to me. I go...not a bit nervous, he seemed to be though.

He puts up the MRIs and starts to explain to me. Maria, you seem to have some kind of growth or tumor INSIDE your spinal cord. I stand there numb....with a stupid smile on my face (even though I didn't know it was there, you see, I tend to do that when I'm scared or nervous). He read that as not comprehending the horrific news, and restates it. Maria, this is very serious, you must understand what I'm saying, do you? I say yes, and eventually leave, scared and numb. (after he gives me the name and number of his recommended neuro-surgeon, that I was to call ASAP)

The minute I close the door to our van, the flood gates opened and I cried, maybe unlike any other time in my life. What in the world? Why, God? How? What's going to happen to me? I started the van and drove off, trying to see through the very blurred vision of tears.

I'm sorry, but as its getting late and there is much to do will have to tune in later to resume my story with me. I hope you do, for its an amazing story.... Until then, hope you have a great day!! I plan on it, it's sunny outside, suppose to be in the lower 80's, and with the threat of destruction gone for awhile, I get to resume my planting and tending with joy!!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

I'm new at this..."My story begins"

Ok, I'm so not a writer, I'm an artist and unike my dear friend that started this blog, I have no writing gift to go with my artistic talent.

But....when a dear precious voice inside my heart whispered to me to do three things, and one being to blog, I so wanted to respond. That voice, so dear to me, is God. Yes, Father Yehovah and Yeshua, Jesus HIs Son. He's been my God for 37 years now, but just in the last 2 have I been pursuing an antimacy with Him like never before. As I have sat with Him, He has been revealing Himself to me, morning after after day.

So, for now, this intro will be short. I have 4 boys and three are due home in moments and then off to soccer practice.

But if I didn't start this blog now, post SOMETHING, I was certain I would keep putting it off.

Please continue to return, to see the unfolding of the most amazing journey that I've been on lately with God. You see, for 7 years now, I've known about a growth inside my spinal read all about that....tune in later, when the bus is NOT about to pull up. :)