Wednesday, September 14, 2016

God is STILL God and Still good

I'm appalled to say that when I checked my blog here a week or so ago, I realized I hadn't been on it in a long time, hadn't even posted since December 19, 2013!  Wow!  I'm so not a blogger.  However since I'm just trying to be obedient to what I hear my Lord whisper in my goes again.

Let me just reiterate that the reason I started this blog in the first place was at the nudge of my Jesus to do tell my story, so that WHEN I receive healing all those who have and will read this blog will know it was by the hand of Jesus alone that I received the healing.

So, here I am again, 3 years later, STILL not walking unsupported, running, dancing, but in fact my body has gotten worse.  A LOT!!

I'd like to believe my relationship with Jesus is intimate, passionate and steady.  However, I struggle between what my heart longs and cries out for and dealing with my emotions, daily struggle to function and any doubts that try to arise. 

Here I am....claiming that I KNOW that Jesus WILL heal me in the natural, physical realm and I will walk unsupported, run and dance again (which is impossible according to doctors and all medical knowledge), for 13 years now.  I seem to look like a fraud and many days feel like one.  However, when I set my eyes on Jesus and His word, I see myself running.  For His word is truth and I believe Him!  I know Him to be faithful and true, it's Who He is! 

It's truly a battle between the natural (symptoms I deal with) and the spiritual (His Word, His promises).  There's days that I teeter, fall, lose my balance, bladder control, multiple times.  Not to mention the utter frustration of trying to get around with a walker, all the while my feet wanting to drag, and my knees not bend.  Oh, did I not mention?  I walk with a walker exclusively now.  No more cane, because of the unstable issue.  There are still times I must use a cane, for example at Walmart.  I use the electric cart now, but take the cane to use to go into the restroom.  I go in using the cane and clutching onto the walls with my left hand, very slowly, very deliberately. 

Preparing meals and cleaning up after the meals are now an ordeal.  No longer is it easy to walk from counter to island and refrigerator to stove.  I have to hold on at all times.  A lot of times I have much frustration to overcome, especially if I forget an ingredient or utensil and must go back and forth, holding on and shuffling my feet sideways.  It's a matter of keeping myself steady while upright.  A new "symptom" has started in the last couple of months, my left leg (mostly) just buckles for no apparent reason.  So since there is no warning before hand, if I'm not close to something to grab or already holding onto something, then I go down.  It can be a bit nerve racking.

I don't share this for pity!!!!  I've lost so much feeling & strength, if I dwell on it, I would go into a fetal position!  However.... That's the whole point of sharing this, that I have to live each day having to keep believing INSPITE of the decline of my body!

My only hope has always been and will forever be - JESUS!  I just "know" in my heart, my inner man, that He will restore my body and I will run on this earth.  Which according to all the doctors have told me is quite impossible!  Once your nerve is no longer working, there's no coming back.  Similar to brain cells, as they do not regenerate.

Speaking of which, my sister Michelle and I have been praying and believing that God is going to re-create brain cells in our brother Stanley's brain.  He was diagnosed with schizophrenia and his rapid and ugly decline ( & so much medication) over the last years is heartbreaking, as he "exists" in a nursing home.  Which, my sister Michelle visits frequently, to pray over and love on him and the other residents there.  Truly they also are "forgotten ones".  I'm not really deviating, as this intertwines with my story.

I often find myself quoting and declaring out loud,  Romans 4:19-21 (Amplified version and personalized)  "In hope (in God) against hope (in the natural world), I DO BELIEVE, in order that I might receive healing according to that which had been spoken, "by His stripes/wounds I was healed (1 Peter 2:24/ Isaiah 53:5).  And without becoming weak in faith, as I'm faced each day with the symptoms in my declining body, YET with respect to the promises of God (in scripture and His voice in my heart), I WILL NOT waver in unbelief, but WILL grow strong in faith [& be empowered by faith AS I give praise &] glory to God (ahead of time in the waiting).  Because: I am FULLY SATISFIED and ASSURED that God IS able and might to keep HIS word and TO DO what HE has promised me"

See, its not about me anyway!  It's all on Him!   I choose to put my hope and trust in Him.  Why not?   HE IS FAITHFUL AND TRUE it's Who He is.  It's actually one of His names!!!  Revelation 19:11

Healing is not only written as promises in the word of God such as the 2 written above, its Who God is!  He's our Healer.  He introduced Himself to His people in the O.T. through names.  In Exodus 15:26  He introduced Himself to Israel as "for I AM the Lord Who heals you.", in Hebrew "Yehovah-

I believe the Lord has been drawing me closer to Himself and teaching me His word throughout these last 13 years, especially the last 6 as my NEED for Him as compelled me to seek Him!
I believe this isn't just about me receiving my healing, its about the heart of God for His people (all of us who claim to follow Jesus) to represent Jesus to the world.  I know its the will and heart of God to heal everyone.  I know that doesn't HAPPEN in this broken and cursed world, but I do believe the Lord wants it to happen.  It's what JESUS DID while He walked to earth.  The only place in the gospels that its mentioned a lack of healings, is in His hometown, as they basically rejected Him.  It says He could do no miracles there except heal a few sick people. In many places even where MULTITUDES were gathered, it says He healed them ALL!!!!  Just go back and look at creation, in Genesis.  We were made in His image, to live WITH Him, in His glory, forever!  It's through sin that sickness and disease came.  But it says that Jesus came to undo the works of the devil and heal allllllll who were oppressed by him. 

Ok, I have to stop....for I could just preach and preach!  It's INSIDE me....I believe it!  However I must say that although it seems so many more people go unhealed than healed, let's not look at what is, but what does God's word say?  In Matthew alone it says (or infers) 7 X He cured/healed them ALL!  Matt 4:24, 8:16, 12:15, 14:13, 15:30, 19:2, 21:14.  There is so many others too.

Why isn't everyone healed now?  I don't have the answers, but I might suggest a couple of possibilities.  First, we live in a fallen world where the enemy of our souls, satan/devil, looks for every opportunity to kill, steal and destroy us (John 10:10).  Second, Jesus IS the same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8) and He gave His followers (yes, even us now) His power and authority (Luke 10:19) to do what HE did.  He also said, "As the Father sent me, I send you".... Jesus shared the Kingdom of heaven and AND healed the sick, cast out demons, raised the dead, etc. and in Mark 16:17 He tells His disciples to do the same and it says "These signs WILL accompany those who have believed (in ME).....that would be you and I if we follow and believe in Him today.  So my personal belief is WHEN His church, His body come together and are joined in unity, filled with His power, His Spirit (3rd Great Awakening?).  Using their individual spiritual gifts, the joints and ligaments joining together to truly BE His body.  Then His body, the church will "Look like Jesus" the HEAD of the church.  I believe this is when we will see MASSIVE healings, as Jesus again heals them ALL, through His body! 

I really didn't intend to share/preach a teaching in this post, but it's the REASON, I believe I WILL be healed and that it is God's will that I be healed.  My Jesus paid a VERY COSTLY price for my healing, (1 Pet 2:24, Is 53:5).  He took such a beating, whipping for says in Isaiah 52:14 Complete Jewish Bible, "...because He was so disfigured that He didn't even seem human and simply no longer looked like a man."  It's so unthinkable how amazing and loving our God is!  So many people have a different idea of Who God is, many quite frankly think He's mean, aloof and dictating, etc.  But God, the ONLY God is so beautiful, loving, kind, full of mercy & grace.  Gave the best heaven had to offer.... HIMSELF.... God's Son.  Yes for the whole world....but also for me!  I now own it for myself.... His love!  The God of the universe, the ONLY UNcreated One, left heaven and came to earth, put on flesh, became a man to live among us, as one of us.  With the sole purpose to suffer and die for us.  WHY?  To bring us back into relationship with Him!  He reconciled us back to the Father.  "Whaaaaat?"  Yes!  Now that's love!  What an awesome loving God I serve!

This is NOT the end of my story!  Stay tuned, for I will post when "I go walking, and leaping and praising God" (Acts 3:8), when I receive my healing!